


Earth (C)

by Fall_Rosie



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Badly Written, But davekat rosemary and jane/roxy/calliope will be mentioned, Changes to relationship tags because theyre not the focus, Crossover, Dirk also takes care of the kids cause i thought it wold be funny (dont get pissed at me), Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, Hal's presence will be explained later, M/M, Multi, Post "Masterpiece", Relationships are mostly only mentioned, ask to tag (idk what to tag), cause it focses on the children, hopefully this wont turn out sad, its an excuse not to have arquius, thats the tag right? except this time its not sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-04-22 04:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 40,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14300913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fall_Rosie/pseuds/Fall_Rosie
Summary: Joey and the Hiveswap gang end up on Earth C for whatever reason. Thing happen, like:*Dirk is stuck with them, and has to learn how to keep his fridge stocked with something other than orange beverages.*Roxy instantly wants to adopt them*Dave and Xefros have a rap battle*Joey resists the urge to punch a strangerAKA, wish-fulfillment bullshit





	1. Joey

You are Joey Claire, and if you hadn't experienced it, you wouldn't believe it.

The question of what it was didn't matter very much, because all of it was unbelievable. Maybe it was aliens, maybe magic space portals, maybe even the fact that the alien planet of death didn't kill you. Or really, at this point of time, probably the fact that you are returning to Earth with your new best friend (Morail? Xefros has explained very vaguely what that stuff meant, but you didn't understand. He said he'd explain again later, though.) You couldn't stand the thought of him staying there, where everyone was out to kill him, and you had managed to convince him to come with you. You couldn't help but feel bad, though, because he would never have a nice life on Earth either.

But your joy and simultaneous discontent was to be thought of another time, because suddenly you noticed a fork in the path. A fork that wasn't there the last time you went on this crazy ride, and you are one hundred percent certain you will not be going back to Earth.

“Um, Joey?” Xefros is clinging to your arm, and you turn your head to look at him as a vague figure coming in your general direction appears. “Was there multiple paths last time?”

“There wasn't. I don't know what's happening… I hope there are no shenanigans afoot.” You say, looking back to the figure ahead. “The other person was also in a separate stream, too.” You mutter the last part to yourself, but Xefros was probably able to hear anyways.

You both get to the fork, and immediately you turn down the path away from the figure, who you catch your first good glimpse of. It was the troll you had passed on your first portal trip, and behind him was a face you were conflicted to see.

“Jude!” You shout, and you watch the pair turn down the same path behind you with more than a little cheer that you wouldn't be separated from your brother for any longer, even if you don't know where you'll end up next.

“Joey?!” You heard him shout back, just as Xefros and Dammek noticed each other. You wish you could reach your brother, but you're pretty incapable of moving against the momentum of the portal. “You're okay!” He looked so incredibly relieved that you wonder what he had been thinking.

“Of course I am! You didn't think I couldn't handle a bit of an adventure, did you?” You try to smile as confidently as possible, but you feel it's a bit forced. It was pretty scary, and at times very dangerous, being on Alternia. You're glad he had stayed on Earth, because even if you count the monsters you believe whole-heartedly that it was safer there. Jude gives an equally forced smile, and begins to say something before Xefros cuts him off.

“Not to interrupt, but there's an incoming planet right there!” You look over to Xefros and, well, he's right. There's a planet right there, and your group is heading towards it. You guess you shouldn't be surprised, but there you are. Being surprised. Its strange, though. The planet is kind of familiar.

“Guess we’re coming in for a landing. We should probably prepare for whatever horrors we will face once were there. Last time, it was an attic filled with monsters. Let's see what the random wheel of bullshit lands on next.” Dammek says, crossing his arms as Xefros retakes yours, which you hadn't noticed he had released in the first place. Jude frowns as he pulls out his modified dart gun, and you take out your flashlight even though you know it wouldn't be as helpful of a defense as Jude's strife weapon.

The portal stream speeds up, and you suddenly feel scared. What could be on this planet? You would hate to get stuck in an even worse situation than before, especially with Xefros and Jude with you. You catch Jude's eye and you exchange the best silent “Be careful’s” and “I love you’s” you both possibly can. Or you think that's what happens, you guys aren't psychic. 

 

When you land on the planet, you are surprised to find that there is nothing immediately alarming or dangerous. You land in what you assume is a basement, and you turn on your flashlight to investigate your surroundings. You see the portal, which seems to have locked itself back up. The portals key lay on the floor, and you quickly shove it into your pocket. You look around, and with everything else in here you are kind of weirder out.

“This looks like all the stuff from our house?” Jude said, examining a painting of a blue lady. You glance over at Xefros, who was in the corner talking to Dammek about something, and you choose to leave him alone for a while. Dammek was (or is? You don't know) Xefros’s morail, and surely whatever they were talking about was nothing you needed to hear. You continue your investigation, specifically of the damage the portal stream caused. You can see the floor above, an obviously lived-in house and one comfortably so. No one was currently inside, thankfully, and it seemed safe enough to go upstairs without much of a problem. Jude was still looking at the multitudes of relics similar to your Pa’s, but Xefros and Dammek had split and were mulling about on opposite ends of the room. Whatever they had talked about, they were obviously upset over it. You figured if you were to go upstairs to investigate, you'd better bring backup, and Xefros looks like he needs cheering up.

“Hey Xefros? D’you want to come with me to investigate upstairs?” You call to him after you start up the stairs a little. Looking back, you see him perk up a little bit before joining you. Dammek seems more than a little upset by this, but you could worry about him later. For now, you and Xefros go to investigate the rest of the house.

Up the stairs, you find a living room that was filled to the brim with plants of all shapes and sizes. The holes in the floor from the portal are large and obvious in the center of the room, but nothing immediately strikes you as dangerous, and you move on to the next room. This one was a kitchen, and the good part was that it was well stocked. You notice that it was all human food, instead of the weird grub foods you had gotten semi-used to on Alternia. You were very happy to find a few crackers in a cupboard, and gladly took Byers out of your captchalouge to give him one. You had gotten quite attached to the bird on Alternia, and you feel the two of you had bonded. Or maybe Byers just liked all the treats you would give him, you don't know. While you were distracted, something must have happened, because Xefros was urgently tapping your shoulder and whisper shouting your name.

“Joey! We need to hide! Something's in the house! I mean, other than us!” He pulled you down, and you are both completely silent. Something makes a thudding noise, and you hear a loud yawn as something in the next room assumedly wakes up. The thudding sounds continue, and you and Xefros crawl along the walls to try to get a vantage point on the door. The cabinets provide you both with good cover, and when something does finally open the door you both have already equipped your weapons.

The person who opened the door had wild long black hair, and wore a black dress with a spiral mark on its chest. It had glasses and fluffy white ears on its head. You think it was probably a she, and probably human judging by the features. And, somehow, something about her seemed so familiar. You watch as she grabs a box of cereal and pours it into a bowl, and seriously she's not checking out what was probably a really loud noise? You're glad, but no one can ignore something like that, right?

A doorbell rang, and the girl got up from her cereal to go get the door. You and Xefros took the opportunity to exit the kitchen without being seen, and you hide behind the sofa in the livingroom when the girl turns back around. Behind her are two men, a troll with nubby horns and a human with sunglasses. They all walk in and start talking.

“Jade, are you serious? You didn't hear that loud noise and you didn't see those large lines of light? I knew you were a heavy sleeper, but I didn't expect you to be sleeping like the dead when an explosion came from your house.” The sunglasses man asked as he walked into the girls house. The troll follows him, appearing equally frustrated, and the girl sighed.

“Dave, I just woke up, what did you expect? A giant ruckus about something I dont feel like caring about? 'Oh my god, there was a loud noise! Whatever shall I do?'” She yawned, as if for emphasis, and started to walk towards the sofa. The one you and Xefros were currently hiding behind. Oh no. And she hasn't noticed the holes in the floor yet? She must be pretty tired! But she would most definitely notice soon enough, or maybe one of the men will.

“Jade.” The troll stopped following her and stared at the ground. There it was, the key moment, he noticed the portal damage. The girl hummed questioningly in reply, and the other human stopped as well. “Why the everloving fuck are there two gigantic holes in your fucking floor.” Jade glanced down and when she finally saw the damage she didn't do anything.

“They were there when I got up, but I didn't really think about it much. Do you think that was what the sound was? Should we investigate?” You felt Xefros trembling behind you, and you reached for his hand to hold it. He hasn't seen an adult before, and these guys were most definitely adults. An adult troll was an especially bad thing to him, and you can understand any anxiety he may be feeling in this situation.

"Yeah, let's do that. Be like Scooby-Doo all up in this shit. Except, without the ghosts and dumb monsters they face, and with more real problems like explosions and holes in the floor." The sunglasses man kicked at a chip of wood, that obviously used to belong to the floor. It clattered into the hole, and Joey was so glad Jude was smart enough not to investigate. Hopefully. Xefros seemed to get more nervous as they hung around the hole. You could understand why.

You squeeze his hand in a way you hope is comforting, and you continue watching as the adults all start heading towards the stairs. You don't think the two you left downstairs would react very well to a group of adults randomly appearing, so you obviously have to do something. Maybe shout a warning? Puzzle solver Joey Claire sure is good at thinking today! Problem? Shout at it! Ugh, you think maybe introducing yourself instead of sneaking around would turn out better than shouting. These people don't seem too dangerous, and you trust that Xefros would have your back. And if things got too dicey you could always call Jude or abscond. Well, your train of thought came too late anyways. You had already jumped out of hiding.

“U-um! Hello!” Nice one, Claire, you are as eloquent as ever. It worked though, you got the adults attention. You're also probably worrying your friend, but for now you've got words to say. Except, you can't think of any words to say. Man, you should have thought this through.

“Oh my gosh! A kid! They couldn't have caused all this damage, right?” Jade turned to Dave and the troll, who hasn't yet been directly addressed by name yet so you can't place a name to. The troll and Dave both shrugged, and you think that you should probably explain the situation before they get distracted again.

“I can explain the holes in the floor! It's very simple actually, in a way that I'd have to take hours to explain and you'd need to focus your attention entirely on the explanation in order to understand, but I don't think it's that important. Nothing worth checking out, anyways!” You ramble a little, and you realize you sound very suspicious. The adults look at you, or at least two of them do because you can't tell with Dave because of the sunglasses, and you feel that they think you sound suspicious as well.

“Can you introduce yourself before you start what will surely be a wonderful story? Also, tell us where you're from so we can get you back home.” Jade smiled and you relax a tiny bit. She probably won't be able to get you home, but that doesn't matter right now. You agree and then pause. Should you get the others? Xefros at least should assist you in explaining your portal story, and if you go through the trouble of explaining you might as well bring out all the persons involved.

“Um, hold on a second.” You go back behind the couch, where you find a Xefros worrying his head off. You take his hand again and try to ensure him that it's okay. As you do this, you hear Dave and the troll questioning your behavior. You also hear Jade shush them. After a few minutes, Xefros agrees to come out from the hiding place. You're glad the adults are somewhat patient, and they're not very surprised when Xefros appears beside you. You keep hold of his hand, and introduce yourself. “My name is Joey Claire, and I'm from Hauntswitch, New York.”

“Nice to meet you Joey. My name is Jade. This is Dave, and Karkat.” She points to the others as she introduces them, but you are not really paying attention.. Xefros introduces himself, before he notices you've been staring at Jade a bit. She really does have an unnerving resemblance to yourself and Jude. You wish you could ignore it, but you felt like she could have been an older sister or something. Which is dumb, because you never had an older sister before. The only way to get that dumb idea out of your head would be to get undeniable proof that she wasn't related to you. Or at least, a last name. Could be deniable, but asking for her family tree would probably be met with strange looks.

"Jade, could I ask your last name? For, um, politeness's sake." Jade stares at you in a confused manner, but shrugs.

"Uh, yeah sure. Its fine to call me Jade, though, Ms. Harley doesn't sound quite right. Too formal, I think." She waved her hand in a circle, as if encasing her point in a bubble. You take a minute to realize that she wasn't referring to you, as she didn't know your Pa's last name to be able to get yours wrong, and was referring to herself. When you do, you freeze.

Harley? It was almost impossible to write off her similarities now. She shares your dads last name, and she has his stuff in her basement. Who is she? Is she his sister from the pictures? No, she couldn't possibly be. They're not on Earth, and she's too young. But her name is Harley, and she looks somewhat like the picture. This is really something you should be asking out loud, instead of freezing up in thinking stage. Is she a secret sister you never knew about? Your Pa was never home, so you guess it's possible, but you would think you would have heard of her at least once. And you are still not on Earth, so this is truly an impossible coincidence.

“Joey? Are you okay?” Xefros interrupts your thoughts with a concerned tone, and you shake the tangent away for now. You'll ask later, maybe. You'd rather not learn that you secretly had a sister all this time, and you'd rather not think about why you feel that way just yet. You smile at Xefros, and try to wave away his concern.

“I'm good! Let's just start the story.” Xefros still looks worried, but he doesn't pry any further for now. You hope he is aware of how thankful you are for that.

The two of you explain the portal, being on Alternia, and finally getting stuck here. You mention your brother as little as possible, and Xefros avoids the topic of Dammek except for when necessary. While the two of you are talking, you notice the adults get more and more worried, and when your finished they conspire together for a few minutes.

“What happened to your brother and Dammek?” Jade finally asked, and you glance at the stairs quickly. She follows your gaze and nods. “Okay, we should ask for their side of the story. Could one of you get them? I don't think they'd be appreciative of a few strangers sneaking up on them.” You and Xefros both nod and get up to go retrieve the Hauntswitch pair. You weren't going to leave him up here alone, and he wasn't going to leave you in that situation either.

You return upstairs, with Jude and Dammek behind you with their guns equipped. Jade didn't seem to mind the weapons, and even complimented them on their choice of strife specibus, which made you a little uneasy.

“You guys are Jude Claire and Dammek… What's your last name?” Jade asked, and Jude shakes his head.

“My last names Harley, not Claire. Joey abandoned our fathers last name in favor of our mothers, so we don't have the same name.” He said, and Jade gasps. She turns to Dave and Karkat, obviously super excited. They take a step back, which was probably a smart thing, and she turns back to you and Jude. “Speaking of our father, you have a lot of his stuff! Why is that?” You shake your head and motion for him to shut up, but the damage had already done.

“I can't believe it! How could I have not known you guys existed? I have a family!” Jade shouted, before grabbing the two of you and giving you a big hug. You wiggle your way out of her grasp, and Jude manages to get out as well. She looks crestfallen when you both step out of her grasp, but that look is soon replaced with confusion. “But, how? Grandpa died when I was a baby, and these guys are way younger than me!”

“Maybe it's some time bullshit. What year did they come from? That would explain how two kids that look similar to you exists. Or maybe we'll never fucking know the mystery of why the fuck a kid with a last name 'Harley' could exist when your caretaker named Harley was dead. Not like other people have the name Harley.” Karkat said, and Jade quickly shooshed him.

"If there was a strange portal, we could assume some time bullshit Karkat. We could even assume that my Grandpa is the Harley they're talking about." Jade glanced over at the two of you, and she nodded. "Especially since we look so similar. Joey, what year was it when you first entered the portal?" The adults turned to you expectantly, and you shake off your confusion to answer them.

“1994, is that not the current year?” You ask, with a shrug. The adults share a concerned look, and you frown. “Its not 1994, is it?” Jade shook her head, and sighed.

"Yep. Unfortunately, Joe, its not 1994. Would be fun though, being in a time where we didn't exist. But then again, you would be deprived of my awesome presence, so it wouldn't be that fun." Dave was confusing, you've determined. He continued to ramble a bit, until Jade stopped him.

“That makes it more confusing though. That's just two years before we arrive, and Grandpa adopts me. Why weren't they there?”

“Maybe the answer is sitting on the couch in front of us, with nothing better to do than explain itself?” Karkat suggests, rolling his eyes, and Jade hits his shoulder with a slight huff..

“Hey, maybe we should actually explain our side of the events before the adults start going in circles.” Dammek said before Jade could make a reply. Jude nodded and together they spin a tale of cults and monsters. Jude's conspiracy theories were definitely conspiracy facts.

“I never thought your conspiracies would be true, Jude. I should have given you more credit.” You say, and Jude visually preens at your words. Speaking of preening… “Oh! I almost forgot. Here's your pigeon.” You take out Byers, and Jude gasps and gives you a big hug.

“Thank you for keeping Byers safe!” He shouts and when he pulls away the pigeon moves to the top of his head to rest there. The adults watch the exchange cheerfully, and for a moment you forget that they're there and you just enjoy seeing your brother again. You're glad that he wasn't hurt by the monsters, and you watch as he strokes Byers head.

“Okay, I just contacted the others, so they should be getting here soon.” You hear Dave speak, and you turn to see that he was talking to Jade.

“Oh, cool! Guess I should prepare some snacks!” Jade says with a smile, and Dave shakes his head.

“Nah, Jane said she would bring something.” Jade frowns, and stands up anyways.

“Jane's a guest! She shouldn't have to bring anything! I'm at least going to make some sandwiches or something.” She stomps off into the kitchen and you hear some clanking and clattering as she supposedly makes sandwitches.

“Who's coming?” Dammek asks, and you see his grip tighten on his weapon. You really hope someone does something before he shoots someone.

“Just a few friends. We’ll introduce you guys as they come in. Put away the gun though, they won't appreciate you pointing that thing at them very much. I don't think I particularly appreciate it either, but whatever.” Dave responds nonchalantly, and suddenly there's a knock at the door. He gets up to answer it, but whoever was out there already let themselves in. The boy looks similar to Jade, and you assume he's her brother, which makes you question your family line even more than you were before. “Hey John.” Dave says and the boy paused to catch his breath.

“I flew here as fast as I could! What's the emergency?” John looked around before seeing your group. “Kids? Dave, kids don't warrant an emergency meeting.” John relaxed, and another person arrives behind him. This person held a box and was also very similar to Jade. What's with all the similarities?

“John, get out of the way. I need to put the cake down.” John moved out of the way with a ‘sorry’ and the person with the box runs into the kitchen. “Rox and Callie will be here in a few minutes!” They shout before the door closes behind them.

“Got it. Kids, go ahead and take the sofa. John and I will go grab a few more chairs from downstairs.” Dave and John leave, and now the only adult in the room with you is Karkat. He messes around on a device, not really paying attention to you guys, but you think it would be best to just sit on the couch like Dave told you to. There's just barely enough room on the couch for the four of you, and you are kind of squished. Xefros and Dammek had chosen to sit on opposite ends of the sofa, supposedly because they were still upset from whatever happened earlier, so you and Jude sat between them. More knocks on the door leads to Karkat answering, and he greets the new people with a friendly chirp. You still don't understand how trolls do that, or why, but you didn't really need to.

“Hello Karkat. It's nice to see you again. Where's Dave?” A human and a troll both walk in, and it was the human who had asked. The human looked vaguely like Dave, and you supposed they were probably related.

“Dave and John are downstairs looking for chairs, if you want to talk to him.” Karkat pointed to the staircase, and the human nodded and kissed the troll that had entered with her before leaving to talk to Dave.

“Are these the children you told me about, Karkat?” The other troll said, glancing at your group on the couch. Karkat nodded, and the trolls walked over to you guys. “Hello. My name is Kanaya.” You all introduce yourselves, and she smiles at you, showing off her fangs. “It's great meeting you all. I hope you don't get too confused when the meeting gets going.” Kanaya and Karkat both walk off to talk, and they're quickly replaced by the human woman who had walked off to talk to Dave. She notices you and decides to introduce herself as well.

“Hello. My name is Rose Lalonde. I assume you are the children Dave asked me to watch?” You guys all nod, and upon her asking you all introduce yourselves. “I won't ask you to explain why you are here, I assume you've already told Jade, but I was wondering if they had already told you where you are?” You all shook your heads, and Rose gave an interested hum.

“So where are we? Are you going to tell us or are you going to fuck off?” Dammek said in an aggravated tone.

“Language, Dammek! You're being rude!” Jude shouted, and Dammek grumbled something that Jude didn't bother replying to. Rose watched the exchange with an amused expression before turning to you and Xefros.

“Could I ask you how you know each other? Unless, that comes with the story of how you got here.”

“Yeah, they're pretty much the same story.” You reply, and Rose nods. Xefros is looking down at his hands in his lap, and you poke his shoulder to get his attention. He looks up at you with a jump and you feel bad for startling him. “Are you okay?” You ask, and he shakes his head.

“I don't want to talk right now.” He said, so quietly you almost didn't hear him. You nodded and left him alone. If he didn't want to talk, then he shouldn't have to. You feel someone's gaze, and you glance over to see Dammek glaring at you. You opt to ignore him, and instead turn your attention to Rose. She appears to have been watching the exchange with some interest, and you're glad that the doorbell rang before she could say anything. You feel that Rose is the inquisitive type.

Rose got up to answer the door, and in came a familiar face and a scary new one.

“Roxy?!” You and Jude both jump up and run to the door, and Rose is pushed out of the way so you could hug your babysitter.

“Woah, I don't know what's going on, but these kids are cuuuuuute! Callie, look at these kids! Lets adopt them!” Roxy hugs you both, but her words give you pause.

“How did you know Roxy's name?” Rose asks, and she's very clearly confused as you and Jude pull away. You frown, and Roxy gets a confused look on her face.

“Yeah, how did you know that?” She asked, and both you and Jude share a sad look.

“You were our babysitter. Or, someone who looked like you? I don't know. I'm sorry, I guess we were just happy to see a familiar face.” You reply, and Jude apologizes as well. Roxy frowns, and she exchanges a look with the green skull person behind her before she pulls you into another hug.

“Don't worry about it, kids. If I was in your situation, I would probably do the same thing! I'm totally fine with being babysitter Rox if it makes you feel better!” She says, and you guys stay there for a minute before she stands up and gestures to the skull person. “Oh, by the way, this is my totes adorbs gf Calliope!” The skull person waves, and you wave back a bit uncertainly, but it wasn't anything against her. You were just having difficulty processing that your babysitter (not your babysitter, Roxy) had a girlfriend. “Speaking of my gf, is Janey here yet?” Seeing your confused look, Roxy explains. “Jane is Callie and I's other girlfriend. We’re all very happy girlfriends together.” She smiles, and now your having difficulty processing that Roxy has two girlfriends. But probably not as much as Jude is. Speaking of, he's totally engrossed in conversation with Calliope.

“What kind of alien are you?” He asks, awe and wonder clear in his face and you decide that he wasn't having a difficult time at all. Calliope responds, but you don't hear because Roxy has taken your hand and is leading you to the kitchen. You see Xefros watching worriedly, and you motion for him to come with you. You see him get up from the couch before you are shoved into the kitchen and are welcomed to a mountain of sandwiches.

“Roxy! You're here!” The girl who had the box earlier said, and she ran over to give Roxy a kiss on the cheek.

“It's nice to see you too cutie, but I want to introduce you to the cutest kid in existence!” Roxy pushes you in front of her, and you wave at the girl nervously. She's very pretty. “This is Jane, the girl I told you about!” Roxy says as the girl waves back.

“Nice to meet you…?” Jane prompted, and you realized she was waiting for your name.

“Joey! Joey Claire!” You say, and Jane shakes your hand before turning back to the counter to grab something. She hands you a plate with a slice of cake, and smiles.

“I hope you like cake! It's nice to meet you, Joey.” She hands you a fork and your escorted to a table before Roxy and Jane start talking on their own. You see Xefros enter the kitchen, and you wave him over before you take a bite from the cake.

Its sooo good! You've never had cake this good ever, in your life! You'll have to thank Jane later, and you hope you'll be able to have another slice. Xefros sits next to you, and you offer a bite from your cake, which he accepts after a minute of contemplation.

“Wow! This is good!” He exclaims, and seeing the look of amazement of his face makes you give him the rest of the cake. You could always ask for more later. As Xefros eats the cake you watch Jade leave the room, and Jane soon follows. Roxy sits herself down across from you and smiles a super cheerful smile when she sees Xefros.

“Who's this?” She asks, and Xefros jumps in surprise. He must have been startled.

“This is Xefros. Xefros, this is Roxy. She's my babysitter!” You introduce them, and Xefros smiles.

“The babysitter you kept talking about? Wow! That's so cool!” Xefros says, and Roxy beams at him.

“‘s nice to meet ya, Xefros.” She says, and the three of you make small talk for a little while before a new person walks in. This new person looks like Dave, except with pointy sunglasses. When Roxy notices them, she jumps up to give them a hug. “Dirk! Hi! Did you see the kids? Come here and meet the kids!” She drags him into the seat next to her, and points to you and Xefros, telling him your names.

“Dirk. Nice to meet you. Can I go now, Rox?” He says, but Roxy keeps a hold of his arm so he can't leave.

“It's nice to meet you too, Dirk.” You say, but you don't know how to make any other attempt at conversation. Roxy groans at the failure of either of you to make conversation, and interjects herself.

“How do you feel about robotics, Joey?” She asks, and you muse on the question for a bit before responding.

“I don't know much about it, but it does seem cool!” You reply, and Roxy nods before turning to Dirk.

“Do you want to tell her about your latest project Dirk?” Roxy prods, and Dirk sighs.

“Ok, whatever. I'm working on a robotic surgeon, something to make surgeries less risky. I don't think I could properly explain exactly how, but I could try if you're really interested.” He says, and you're immediately excited.

“Would it work on animals?” You ask.

“I didn't plan on that, but yeah, probably. Why?” He asks, and you smile.

“I want to be a veterinarian! I love animals, and I really want to help them! I even got practice working on troll lusii, on Alternia, and it was so cool!” You respond, and he nods.

“You've worked with lusii? How did you do that without making a mistake, and without supplies?”

“In Dammeks hive he had a vet kit, and quite a few books about lusii. I still have them here, actually. I should probably return them, though…” You trail off. Dirk asks if he could see the book, and you take it out and hand it to him. He pages through it for a little bit, before handing it back to you.

“How'd you learn to read Alternian?” He asked, and you shrug.

“When I got to Alternia, I just knew for some reason. And that's really a good thing, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to talk to Xefros, and then I would probably be dead.” The two of you go back and forth, Dirk asking about being on Alternia and you providing answers, with Xefros occasionally pitching in, and you rather enjoy it. Jude enters after a while, and you introduce him. He joins the conversation with talk about his conspiracies and the portal. Time passes by rather quickly, and you learn that the last person to arrive (some dude called Jake) will be there in a few minutes. Dammek joins you all right before the doorbell rings for the last time. Roxy leaves, and you listen as Dirk and Dammek speak about whatever technological stuff you don't understand.

Someone walks into the kitchen, and you don't pay any attention before they call for Dirk. You glance up and-

Wait.

What?

How…?

“P-pa?!” You and Jude shout, and the person smiles at you in a confused fashion.

“Do I really look that old? Golly.” He said, and you stare at him in horror.

“He looks just like Pa from his old photographs!” You say, turning to Jude. Xefros grabs your arm, and you didn't notice that you had been getting up. You sit back down, and unclech the fists you hands had unconsciously balled into.

“Joey? What's going on?” Roxy entered the room, and you let out a long breath. Xefros was making a concerned clicking sound, and you shook your head. That person isn't your Pa, even if the resemblance is uncanny. He's not your Pa just as much as Roxy isn't your Roxy.

“Jake apparently looks like their Pa, which thanks to the bullshit of sburb we know the reason for that.” Dirk replies, and Roxy glances over to that person.

“They recognized me too! They said I was their babysitter.” She said, and you frown.

“Oh, really? How did they react when they saw you, Roxy?” Jake asked, and you wished they would stop talking about it. Xefros made more of the clicking sounds, and you try to relax.

“Can you guys talk about this somewhere else?” Dirk asks, and you are thankful that he was there. You hear them leave, and you lay your head on the table.

“Joey? Are you okay?” Xefros asks, and you shake your head. You mutter something, probably ‘I don't want to talk right now’, and while he doesn't let go of your arm he loosens his grip so that you could pull away if you wanted to. Dirk says something, and then you hear him leave.

You really want to leave, but to leave the house you have to go through the living room, which was where the people had all been meeting. You would surely be seen, or stopped, or even called to join the conversation. You really didn't need that right now.

You'd rather not be questioned on why you didn't react to Jake how you reacted to Roxy. You didn't want to be like ‘hey, I'm Joey Claire! My father was never there so I was stuck with a drunk babysitter for the majority of my life! Feel bad for me, as I have nothing else going for me in life!’ That's just not cool. You also don't want to make Roxy uncomfortable by telling her that all your memories of your babysitter feature her drunk. That would be kind of rude. And placing blame on Jake for something he didn't do would be unfair to him. As far as you knew, he didn't deserve that.

After an indeterminate amount of time, you lift your head off the table and stretch out your arms. Jude and Dammek are gone, you don't know when they left, but Xefros is still with you, and when he noticed you were up he pointed you over to the door.

“The adults are talking about where we are going to be kept, and they want our input.” He said, and you thank him for telling you. You exit the kitchen together, and everyone turns to look at you as you walk in. The sofa seems to be the kids seat, because Jude and Dammek are already there and there are no other spots available. You and Xefros join them on the couch, and the adults retake conversation.

“Kanaya and I have the grubs, Dave. We can't also take care of a few kids.” Rose said, and Kanaya nodded. “Someone else could take them, I'm sure.”

“Maybe I could? I don't really have as much to do as you guys, and I have room in my house for them.” John suggested, and Jade seemed to consider it.

“Can you take care of children though? Even if you do have less to do, it would be difficult take care of them alone.” She responds, and John reluctantly agrees. “I wouldn't be able to care for them either, for those same reasons. Also, I don't have the room. Honestly, Rose and Kanaya would be the best choice, but again they have the grubs to care for.”

“I could take them!” Roxy says, and everyone just stares at her. “I mean, Callie, Jane, and I can take them! Three people is more than enough to care for a few kids, and we could always make room for them at our house!” She says and Jade shrugs.

“If they agree, then sure I guess.” Jade says, and Rose gives Roxy a concerned glance.

“Are you sure Roxy? You shouldn't feel obligated to take care of them just because they remember you being their babysitter, if that's what's happening here.” She says, and Roxy shakes her head with a smile.

“Its fiiiiine! They're cute kids, and they don't seem like any trouble.”

“If I could interject, shouldn't it be up to the kids?” Calliope said, and the everyone stops to consider it.

“You're right, Callie. It should be up to them.” Jake said, and you instantly check a ‘no way’ box for if he's an option.

“I have the perfect thing for a situation like this!” Jade shouted, and she disappeared for a minute in a flash of green before reappearing. It freaked you out, but you didn't say anything. You could ask about her weird superpowers later. In her hands she held a whiteboard, and she wrote down the names of every person who could take care of them, in groups of who's roommates with who. Dirk protests to being written down, but Jade shoots him down with a ‘you have the room!’,and in the end the only people excluded were Jade, Rose, and Kanaya. “Just give a check next to the group you want to go with, and then we can all go home.”

“What if problems arise in the place we chose?” Jude asks, and Jade pauses.

“We'll give you a way to contact Jade. She can handle things from there, but I doubt it'll come to that.” John responds, and Jude must have deemed that an adequate answer because he leans back into his seat and doesn't add anything else.

“So, we'll leave you to it! Everyone, let's go get some sandwiches!” Jade leads the way, and only when everyone's in the kitchen do you get up and grab the whiteboard. Looking over the names, you saw that the people who lived on their own were Jake, John, and Dirk, and that Dave and Karkat live together and Roxy lives with her girlfriends. So you have five options, and you only knew that you didn't want to be anywhere near Jake for a while.

“Who were you guys thinking of?” You ask, looking up from the board.

“I couldn't care less, I'll leave it up to you guys.” Dammek said, then left for the kitchen.

“Who do you want, Joey?” Jude asked, and you frowned. You had asked for their input because you didn't know, so that question was utterly pointless.

“Xefros, what do you think?” You ask, and he thinks for a moment.

“Um, while Roxy is familiar to you and stuff, I don't think I'll be comfortable knowing there are three adults walking around where I'm living…” He says, and you nod. That eliminates another option, and your left with three if Xefros doesn't protest to two adults living with them.

“I assume you don't want to live with Jake. So we only have three options.” Jude says, looking over your shoulder. “What about Dirk? We talked to him a bit, he seems cool!”

He suggests, and you think about it. He had protested to being put on the list, but Xefros and Dammek had gotten along with him just fine, and talking with him was fun. And if he can't take care of you all, you can do it yourself. You haven't talked to John, so you don't know what he's like, but you know that Karkat was kind of intimidating. It was probably the eyes, because they were just an unsettlingly bright red. You also haven't talked to them much, so that's a strike.

In the end, your decision was made for you. Literally. Jude took the marker and put a check next to Dirks name.

You all go to the kitchen, where you each get a sandwich and a slice of cake. The adults all have their own conversations, and are quite loud compared to your small group. Dammek and Jude whispered about the whiteboard decision, and you and Xefros just generally chatted about nothing. Jude brought out Byers to give him his sandwich crusts, and you brought out the stolen crackers to give the bird. After everyone finished eating, Jade retrieved the whiteboard to tell everyone who would be taking the kids, meaning you.

To be fair, you would have been surprised too, if you hadn't made the decision yourself. But you wouldn't be as surprised as everyone was, which was so surprised that everyone gasped the loudest gasp you've ever heard. You guessed that Dirk wasn't a kid person.

“Redo, these kids obviously didn't think this through.” Dirk said, and Jade glanced over at your group.

“We thought it through, you can ask Joey.” Jude said, and you rolled your eyes. Jade shrugged and wiped the whiteboard clean before setting it back on the counter.

"No, no, go and rethink it! Guys, seriously, don't let me take care of the kids. I'll fuck it up." Dirk glanced around the room, and while quite a number of people seemed to agree with him they didn't argue.

“Well, we did say it was their decision. Dirk, you will be in charge of getting these kids cell phones and pesterchum accounts, as well as anything else they would need. Everyone else, you can go home.” Jade said with such finality that you were tempted to go back to the portal for round three. Dirk still argued, but his protests went largely ignored. Everyone except Dirk left, Dave gave Dirk a pat on the back with a “you'll be fine” and left with Karkat, Jane left saying she needed to get back to her company, John disappeared in a puff with a breeze, and though Roxy stuck around for a while she eventually left too. You feel kind of bad, but it's not like you didn't want to hang out with her again. By the time you left Jade's house, Dirk had resigned himself to his new role as caretaker.

Dirk sighed and led you all out the door, and with Jade waving you all goodbye you made your way to wherever was next. Unfortunately, someone had stuck around just down the street.

“Hey Dirk!” Jake ran to meet the group, and you stopped with a sigh. Why did he stick around? Does he have nothing better to do? What about the precious animals he loved to kill, are there none good enough for him here? That makes you glad, but he's bothering you so you are less glad than you usually would be.

“Hey, Jake. What are you doing here?” Dirk asked, seemingly having not noticed your delay as he just kept walking. Xefros stopped besides you, and soon Jude noticed you weren't with then and he turned to join you. For whatever reason, Dammek joins you. Together you guys watch Dirk and Jake walk away while talking, and when they're a good twenty feet ahead you start following once more.

“So, what's the deal with Jake?” Dammek asks, and you shake your head.

“I don't want to get into it, but it's a lot of nonsense that's really unfair to him. So, avoidance is how I'm gonna deal with that.”

“Joey really didn't like Pa, at all.” You glare at Jude, who just shrugs and ignores you. “It's true.” He adds, and you roll your eyes.

“If it was that simple, I'd be talking about it.” You mutter, and Jude doesn't respond. Either he didn't hear you, or he got the message that he should shut up. Maybe both.

“If it's unfair to him, why don't you just ignore it? Just, treat him like any old stranger.” Dammek asks after a minute, and you have to resist the urge to pull out your hair.

“It's not that simple.” You respond sharply, and he backs off. You feel Xefros’s hand on your arm once again, and you let out a sigh and relax. “Sorry. Just, please don't try to get me to talk about it.” You say after you've sufficiently calmed down. Jude points up to where Dirk and Jake are walking ahead, and you look to see why he was pointing and- oh, ok, so, they've noticed you guys are pretty far behind them. They've stopped, and are waiting for you to catch up. You freeze, and you are glad to know the others do too. So you're not the only one who doesn't know what to do now, thank god.

You guys continue in this stalemate for a minute or so before Dirk turns to Jake and supposedly says something. Jake looks back at your group before leaving with a quick wave, and you wait a few minutes more before slowly catching back up with Dirk.

“Okay, so, first of all what the fuck was that. Second of all, when you get pesterchum your apologizing to Jake cause you made him feel bad.” You look down at your feet, and you wish you could abscond. You do feel bad about that, but there's another, and honestly larger, part if you that feels happy that he was upset by your actions. You're such a jerk.

“I, um, I'm sorry. I just, I just… Can I not talk about this please.” You mutter, and Jude runs up to your rescue. Or really, he just says your words for you.

“Joeys feelings about our dad makes her upset whenever she sees Jake, so she wants to avoid him because she feels it's unfair to him.” Did you mention that Jude was awesome? “I think she probably wants to punch him.” Jude adds quietly, and you sure are glad Xefros is there, holding you back, because you would totally tap dance all over Jude's little nerd body if he wasn't. Jude hides behind Dammek, and you struggle for a minute before giving up. It’s better you don’t attack your brother, he's the only one you have anyways. Unless you're right with your suspicion about John, but you'd rather not think about that.

Dirk watched the exchange with no doubt some amusement, and when you finally are released by Xefros you choose to instead take out your flashlight and blind your brother. The endeavor is successful enough that he runs away, but it seemed that Dammek didn't appreciate the sudden light because he enlisted a certain rude gesture from his finger in response. You are, quite frankly put, offended and you just continue to flash the flashlight in his face.

“Okay, guys chill.” Dirk said as he stepped between the two of you. You stop, because this is the person in charge of you now, and put away your flashlight. “Whether or not you want to punch Jake, that's on you. I've wanted to punch him myself on more than one occasion, and I will tell you he most likely deserved to be punched at least once, but that doesn't really matter right now. We need to go get you some cell phones, and set you up on Pesterchum. Or Trollian, for the trolls in this group.” You all nod in agreement, and you continue walking. You wonder what cell phones developed to be, and what Pesterchum is. You honestly don't know.

 

Cell phones have developed to be awesome pocket computers that can do pretty much anything, and as expected that's more of a surprise to you and Jude rather than to Dammek and Xefros. Pesterchum ends up being a messaging app that could be used on both computers and cell phones, which is pretty cool. So when you made an account, you were pretty happy to know that everyone you've met has one. Your chumhandle is primaVetrinarian, and as soon as Dirk tells you his chumhandle, you're going to apologize to Jake. For now, you muck around by messaging your brother, who made his chumhandle versatileProphet because he's a huge dork like that.

primaVetrinarian is pestering versatileProphet  
PV: hey, jude.  
PV: this is pretty cool!  
VP: YES, IT IS. I NEVER IMAGINED THAT BEING STUCK ON AN ALIEN PLANET WOULD COME WITH COOL NEW STUFF. over  
PV: why are you typing like that? also, why must you puncuate a statement with ‘over’ when we talk like this?  
VP: DAMMEK EXPLAINED TO ME TYPING QUIRKS, AND I THOUGHT IT SOUNDED COOL. over  
VP: I ALSO USE ‘over’ AS A PART OF MY QUIRK. IT JUST FEELS RIGHT, SOMEHOW. over  
PV: you're a dweeb  
PV: but that's to be expected, because you were always a dweeb.  
VP: NOT TO ARGUE ABOUT MY QUOTE EN QUOTE “DWEEBNESS” over  
VP: BUT I THINK THAT THAT STATEMENT IS UTTERLY FALSE. over  
PV: what about it is false?  
VP: I AM NOT A DWEEB over  
PV: that is a false statement, dear brother.  
PV: because you most definitely are a dweeb  
VP: I AM NOT over  
PV: you are  
VP: I AM NOT over  
PV: are to  
VP: NOT over  
PV: are  
VP: NOT over  
PV: are  
VP: BEFORE THIS ENDS UP LASTING FOREVER, COULD I SUGGEST WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE over  
PV: yeah, that was starting to get pretty annoying.  
PV: what did you want to talk about?  
VP: ARE WE GOING TO STAY HERE FOREVER? over  
PV: wow, saving the best for last, huh?  
PV: i don't know jude. if i did, i would have already told you  
VP: IM JUST WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIENDS over  
VP: WILL THEY EVER GET AN ANSWER FOR WHY IM GONE? over  
VP: WILL THE POLICE GO TO OUR HOUSE, FIND IT EMPTY, AND DEEM US DEAD? over  
VP: OR WILL THEY JUST CALL US MISSING AND NEVER FIND AN ANSWER? over  
VP: AND WHAT ABOUT OUR ROXY? WILL SHE GET HOME AND FIND OUT WERE GONE? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HER? I WOULD RATHER HER NOT BE STUCK IN THE BOTTOM OF ANOTHER BOTTLE BECAUSE OF US, JOEY. over  
PV: i feel the same way, jude. unfortunately, we will never get an answer until it happens.   
PV: but maybe we could ask the adults? they might know what happens to us. jade would have an answer, i think.  
VP: I GUESS I WILL BE ASKING HER, THEN. over  
VP: WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN IN THE MEANTIME? over  
PV: i think we'll get up to some shenanigans, hang out with some new friends, and write another chapter in our life.  
PV: im going to have to ask for a new diary, too.   



	2. Jude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was holding off for May, but I couldn't just not... I already had it written, even though its bad and has a placeholder scene due to writers block (I bet you can tell wheeeeeeerreeeeee. I had a quota to fill)  
> Also, it wasn't working how I wanted it to, and still isn't, but I wrote it and I'm too lazy to change it. Sums up this whole thing pretty nicely. Its just for fun anyways, so it doesn't have to be perfect (tell me all the mistakes tho [please] cause I want to fix it even tho the entire chapter is just bleh)

You are Jude Harley, and you REALLY need to figure out what planet you're on. 

Questioning your current caretaker doesn't seem ideal at this point, as he is working on some techno gadget you don't understand. Their tech is so advanced, you don't understand a lick of their schematics. It was like when you first found the portal, and had no idea what it was. You want to understand, because if you can figure out how the stuff works here you could figure out how to use them to your secret-mystery-hunting advantage. But aside from the mystery of technological advancement, the mystery of where you are is more intriguing.

Dirk had given you a list of chumhandles, along with who they belong to, and while Joey is avoiding her phone at the current moment by practicing her dancing you'd rather take the more direct approach to solving your problems. So, taking the direct approach, you message the first person you see on the list. 

 

versatileProphet is pestering golgothasTerror  
VP: GREETINGS JAKE over  
VP: PRIOR TO MY QUESTIONS, I MUST APOLOGIZE FOR MY PREVIOUS BEHAVIOR. I WILL LEAVE THE EXPLANATION AS TO WHY OUR GROUP BEHAVED AS IT DID TO MY SISTER, BUT I AM SORRY IF IT HURT YOUR FEELINGS. over  
VP: IF IT IS NOT CLEAR AS TO WHAT MAY HAVE HURT YOUR FEELINGS, I AM REFERRING TO OUR BEHAVIOR over  
GT: Who is this?  
GT: I assume you are one of the young chaps Dirk is currently caring for, but which one may I ask?  
VP: WAS IT NOT OBVIOUS over  
GT: Was it supposed to be?  
VP: MENTION OF SISTER LOWERS PROBABILITY OF BEING A TROLL BY A SUFFICIENT AMOUNT over  
VP: AND THERE IS ONLY TWO POSSIBILITIES AFTER DAMMEK AND HIS FRIEND ARE ELIMINATED over  
GT: So you must be Jude?  
VP: UNLESS THE PORTAL CHANGED MORE THAN OUR LOCATION, YES I MUST BE JUDE over  
GT: Well, Jude, I accept your apology, and I apologize myself for not recognizing you sooner!  
VP: APOLOGY UNNEEDED over  
VP: I SHOULD NOT HAVE ASSUMED RECOGNIZABILITY FROM JUST A FEW WORD CLUES over  
GT: Apology still felt, however!  
GT: Also, you mentioned having questions? I would be glad to answer them if you still have need of it!  
VP: OH, RIGHT over  
VP: I WAS PREVIOUSLY WONDERING WHAT PLANET MY GROUP HAS LANDED ON? over  
GT: Oh! That's a simple enough question, even if the situation is a bit more complicated than simple planet switching.  
GT: The planet your on is Earth C! We don't have a better name for it, unfortunately.  
VP: EARTH… C? over  
VP: SO WERE ON EARTH? over  
GT: I mean, technically yes? Sort of. I'm not the best person to ask.  
VP: YOU ALSO MENTIONED THE SITUATION WASN'T AS SIMPLE AS JUST ‘PLANET SWITCHING’ over  
GT: Er, yes.  
VP: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN over  
GT: As I mentioned previously, I'm not the best person to ask. But I'll try my best to explain!  
GT: You mentioned that you met Dammek thanks to Joey and him switching via portal, where he was sent to Earth and Joey was sent to Alternia?  
VP: AFFIRMATIVE over  
GT: Well, that was less a space travel thing then a space, time, and inter-universe travel.  
GT: What I mean is, Joey got sent into another universe and into the past, and Dammek got shot into the future and your universe.  
GT: Alternia and Earth don't exist in the same universe, and they don't exist at the same time. Or, they do? Because of paradox space and all that rubbish. Again, I'm not the best at explaining.  
VP: SO THE PORTAL IS A DEVICE THAT ALLOWS THE USER TO TRAVEL FROM UNIVERSE TO UNIVERSE over  
VP: SO WE ARE CURRENTLY IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE? over  
VP: BUT THEN HOW DOES ROXY HERE LOOK SO SIMILAR TO OUR ROXY? WHY DO BOTH TROLLS AND HUMANS EXIST HERE? over  
GT: Yes, we are in a separate universe to the one you're from.  
GT: And the answer to your other questions can only be explained if me and my chums tell you our story. I can't really tell it on my own, and especially not without telling the rest of your pals too!  
GT: I'll discuss this with them, and hopefully we’ll be able to explain soon enough.  
GT: I would hate for you to be left in the dark about all this.  
VP: I GUESS THE ANSWERS YOU HAVE ALREADY PROVIDED WILL BE ADEQUATE FOR NOW. THANK YOU FOR HUMORING ME FOR A MOMENT, JAKE over  
GT: No worries, Jude! I enjoyed this little chat immensely, even if I couldn't provide all the answers.  
VP: I GUESS I WILL TALK TO YOU AGAIN AT A LATER DATE, THEN  
VP: over and out  
versatileProphet has ceased pestering golgothasTerror

 

Jake didn't seem too bad, though your exchange was quite short. You imagine that Joey could possibly find some qualities in him that would make her want to punch him less. You don't nearly have the same feelings about Pa as she does, but even you were greatly upset and discomforted by Jakes sudden appearance. You think if you could manage a world changing chat with him, then Joey could handle a simple apology. 

You head to the room that Dirk had given you to share, a rather large guestroom he had for whatever reason, and interrupt Joeys impromptu ballet recital to tell her so. The room was currently outfitted with a single bed and a few sleeping bags, because your arrival didn't enlist any time for preparation, and it lacked decoration or personality so you all would have to work on it yourselves if you wanted it to look nicer. Joey was currently happy with the open space, as it was the optimal condition for dancing. 

“JOEY.” You shout as you burst into the room, startling your sister into tripping over nothing. “Get your phone and pester Jake.” You say, crossing your arms with a frown. Joey stands up and dusts herself off with a sigh, and you attempt to block the doorway so she doesn't get any ideas of escape. 

“Why can't I do it later? I'm pretty busy right now.” She says, and you give her your best scrutinizing gaze. After a few seconds of these she groans and pulls out her phone with a roll of her eyes. “FINE. I'll do it. Just don't interrupt me when I'm practicing again, okay?” She says, and you scuttle over to watch over her shoulder as the conversation unfolds. She doesn't seem to mind, as she just opens the pesterchum app and types in Jakes chumhandle.

 

primaVetrinarian is pestering golgothasTerror  
PV: this is jake, right? i’m joey.  
GT: Hello Joey! This is indeed Jake!  
PV: ok, so, i was told to apologize for earlier, so  
PV: i'm sorry, i guess.  
PV: geez, this is a sucky apology  
PV: just ignore it, please  
GT: No worries, Joey! I'm sure you have a reason for avoiding me, and you shouldn't feel forced to apologize if you're not feeling up to it!  
PV: tell that to jude.

 

You flick her cheek and then turn your attention to Jakes reply.

 

GT: Jude? I just finished my own conversation with the chap!  
PV: really?  
GT: Oh, yes! He was quite curious about the planet and I answered a few of his questions.  
PV: sounds like jude. when there's mysteries and conspiracies afoot, you can always count on him and his dorky binoculars.  
GT: Ha ha! Quite the hobby he has. Not that I could say much, myself.  
PV: let me guess, you're an “adventurer?”  
GT: I was! Still might be, I guess. After Sburb, I haven't really felt the call to explore and spelunk in a while.  
PV: sburb?  
GT: Er, that should be explained later. It's somewhat of a long story, that I shouldn't tell alone.  
PV: ok then

 

There's a lull in conversation for a minute, and you almost think Jake had left when he suddenly replies.

 

GT: Can I ask why you and your friends are avoiding me?  
PV: huh?  
PV: um, i guess…  
PV: um.  
PV: i don't know why jude would be, or dammek, and I'm not sure with xefros,  
PV: but i… i'll just say it's probably stupid and pointless to tell you  
GT: Is it my resemblance to your father?  
PV: …  
PV: it's not as simple as that, but yeah.  
PV: its petty and dumb and unfair, but it's probably best if i just avoid you  
PV: which i've been doing.  
PV: so… yeah  
PV: sorry about that.  
GT: I understand, then. I will leave you alone, but feel free to message me if you decide you want to.  
golgothasTerror has ceased pestering primaVetrinarian

 

“UGH.” Joey slides down to the floor, covering her face with her hands. “I'm never talking to anyone ever again, Jude. I'm going to become a hermit.” She grumbles, and you sit down next to her. 

“It wasn't that bad, Joey.” You say, and she groans in response. “Your being overdramatic.” Joey peeks through her fingers to glare at you. 

“Get out.” She says, and just because she seems really upset right now and not at all because she sounds really scary you listen to her. You needed to find out what everyone else was doing right now, anyways. Ever since you all have arrived, you noticed that the trolls weren't very happy to see each other again. Which was strange, because Dammek never stopped talking about how he missed his “morail” and couldn't wait to see him again. What a morail was, you didn't know, but you knew that Xefros was Dammeks morail. So why weren't they enjoying the same reunion you and your sister were? Well, not the exact same, sibling affection is a strange thing and you doubt the aliens would understand. You annoy each other because you care. But they should be happier seeing each other, shouldn't they? You kind of got the gist that a morail was a very important person to a troll, so honestly you're confused.

You know, monologuing in your brain doesn't work when you accidentally speak your thoughts out loud. You need to pay attention to your brain's signals, or else you’ll drive your new roommates crazy with your incessant mutterings.

“Dammek and I aren't morails. Anymore, I mean.” You didn't notice Xefros, who was sitting at the kitchen table just a few feet away. His sudden interjection made you jump. When did you get in the kitchen? You really should pay more attention to your surroundings, you shouldn't let your guard down when your on a new planet. Or in a new universe? You don't know. But anyways, back to the conversation at hand. 

“Why?” You ask, and Xefros shakes his head.  
“A lot of things, really. I don't want to bother you with them, though. I just thought it would be better if we weren't morails, and so now we're not.” He says, and you shrug.

“I guess that's a good enough answer. Can I ask what exactly the whole ‘morails’ thing means? Dammek never explained when I asked.” You investigate the fridge, finding a carton of orange juice and actually little else. You'll have to ask about foodstuffs later, and maybe request some non-perishable rations for emergency situations. It never hurts to be prepared. 

“W-well, I don't really know how to explain it that good. I think, it's like, hm.” Xefros paused and thinks for a minute before picking it back up. “A morail is someone who cares about you, protects you, and calms you down when you're upset. From what I've heard with you humans, you're like that with all your friends, so you probably won't understand the significance of a morail. Especially since you don't have quadrants. And I just realized I should probably explain quadrants too?” Xefros started ranting on about whether he should explain quadrants or whatever to you, but you were already tuning that out. Now with an understanding of what a morail is, you can now determine that you have zero clue what led to Xefros and Dammeks separation. On Earth it seemed like Dammek cared about Xefros a lot, he exhibited worry for him on more than one occasion, so what happened?

“I think my curiosity has been satisfied for now. Thank you.” You say, and turn to leave, but you're interrupted by the sudden appearance of Dammek.

“Hey, Jude. Do you know where Joey is? Dirk says she has some of my old stuff.” He asks as he enters the kitchen, looking around. You think he pointedly ignores Xefros, which seems petty to you but you won't judge. Or you'll try not to, anyways.

“She's in our room, but I don't think she would appreciate being interrupted.” 

“What do you mean?” Xefros asks, and you shrug.

“She talked to Jake a bit, and now she's upset. She kicked me out, so I think she wants to be alone for now.” Xefros looks worried, and Dammek looks more than a little perturbed by that. After a few seconds of apparent internal arguing, Xefros gets up and walks out. You assume he's going to try talking to Joey, but you doubt it'll work. Dammek sits at the table with a frustrated groan, and you deem it only fair that you interrogate him as well.

“What's got you all worked up today?” You sit across from him, and he pretends to not have heard you before giving into your inquisitive nature.

“Xefros is so obviously pale-flirting with your sister, and so soon after he broke off our moraillegiance too. It's more than a little frustrating.” He said with a dejected sigh. “I doubt you know what that means, I never told you what a morail was.” 

“Xefros explained it to me, literally just a few minutes before you walked in.” Dammek shrugs. “From his explanation, though, I don't understand why you guys split? You seemed like you cared about him.” 

“I don't know. I really wanted to ask Joey, because he's been around her the most recently, but I can't find her on her own.” You begin to say something but he cuts you off. “And I'm not going to use Trollian for this, because I get the sense that she wouldn't answer.” You relent, and in the silence that follows you reach for a different topic. You're twelve! You shouldn't be trusted with people's relationship problems, even if you kind of dug yourself into that hole. Thankfully, you are saved by the caretaker.

“I was thinking about dinner, how about we order a pizza?” He asks and you nod, and you're sure the relief is visible on your face. “Ok, so, what toppings do you want on it?” You don't hesitate in your answer.

“Pineapple!” You reply cheerfully, and Dirk pauses for a moment before patting you on the shoulder. He seems… Proud?

“Someone gets it. Is there a point to asking Joey, or would she understand the superiority of pineapple on pizza?” 

“She hates pineapple on pizza, so you should probably ask her what she wants.” You turn to Dammek, and are going to ask him what he thought of pineapple on pizza when you remember that he didn't know what either of those things are.

“What the fuck is a pizza?” He asks, and you attempt to explain as best you can as Dirk leaves to go ask Joey what she wanted. “So it's a flavor disk? I don't know what toppings are available, so I guess I'll have what you're having.” He says after Dirk returns. The order is placed, and you and Dirk take turns to explain to Dammek the superiority of pineapple on pizza. Thirty minutes later, when the pizzas arrive, everyone sits at the table and has a nice dinner. Joey looks better than when you last saw her, and you're thankful for that. 

“Pineapple on pizza? Bleh, you guys have no taste!” Said sister states, and you have to resist throwing a piece of pineapple at her.  
“You only say that because you haven't tried it!” You reply, and the trolls watch curiously as she rolls her eyes.

“Fruit doesn't belong on pizza. It’s too sweet for that!” Dirk, knowingly choosing the right side, interjects.

“Tomatoes a fruit, and its on pizza.” He says, and Joey sputters, looking for a good rebuttal.

“Guys, I don't think you should fight over food.” Xefros says, and Joey slumps down into her seat with a nod of defeat.

“You're right. This is pointless. They have faulty taste buds, they'll never understand.” You decide to cease fire as well, ignoring her final jab to instead notice that the trolls haven't tried any pizza at all.

“Why haven't you eaten anything?” You ask, and the both of them stare down at the slices they had been given. After a moment Dammek shrugs and takes a huge bite out of his slice.

“Iffs nof sho bad.” He said, with his mouth full of pineappley goodness. Xefros, who had chosen to go with Joey’s pizza instead of the obviously superior one, takes a bite of his slice with some reluctance. He seems to enjoy it, and he's reaching for a second slice in no time. You wonder if it was the pepperoni, or whether the onions or mushrooms affected his judgment. You don't know. You wouldn't understand anyways, because mushrooms are gross and ruin pizza. 

In almost no time at all, the five of you finish the pizzas and instead of immediately going your separate ways Joey asks Dirk if he has any board games. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any, but he did have video games. You're a bit skeptical at first, until he introduces you all to Mario kart. You pick Luigi, if only because Joey took Mario, and Dammek picked Bowser. Xefros opted to sit out and watch, and Dirk took his place choosing to play as Peach. You would have asked why, but the game was already starting and wow is it difficult. Dirk obviously is good at the game, and he wins the first race easily while you and Joey flail around in last places, and Dammek does pretty well for the himself by getting third. Joey and Xefros trade out for the second race, and you feel pretty unskilled compared to the rest of them. You play for a while like this, and when Dirk turns in for the night you have gotten the hang of the mechanics enough to get fifth. You and Joey race one last time, Xefros and Dammek choosing instead to watch as you two fail at getting in any of the top three placements. Joey is worse than you, however, and you take that as a victory. 

You all go to your room, where Joey forces you to take the bed with a cheery ‘you're the youngest’ that Xefros and Dammek don't argue against. You stay awake for a while, staring at the ceiling and wondering about what's happening on your Earth and what is to come in your future, but eventually you pass out, as one tends to do after an eventful day.

 

The next day, you are woken up by Joey. You almost feel as if your back on your Earth, and just getting ready for another school day, until you hear the steady alien chirrups of the sleeping trolls and are reminded of your predicament. You don't ask why she wakes you up, and instead ask what time it was. She pulls out her phone and shows you the clock on it, and you put on your glasses to see the time. 6:00, the normal time you wake up on school days, which is assumedly why she woke up in the first place. The both of you exit the room, as quietly as possible so you don't wake your roommates, and you sit at the kitchen table as Joey searches for cereal that you're 90% sure isn't there. You can't judge, though, because you didn't have any food at your house last you left it. 

After finding nothing, as you had foreseen, you and Joey just decided to spend some time playing outside, like the fateful autumn evening that started this mess. Except without your dog, or the autumn leaves, or your treehouse. There aren't any trees around at all, really, at least not around Dirks house, and of course there are no dogs of yours. You thinking of these things isn't a good thing however, because then you'll get emotional and right now you just need to focus on… something, and you'll think of that something later because you and Joey are playing hide and seek. There are no places to hide however, and you both give up after one round. You'll have to work on that later, as a lack of good hiding places is both horrible for game reasons and defensive reasons.

The both of you have no idea how else to pass the time, because you don't know how to work the game console (the trolls had turned it off last night for you both) and you didn't want to wake anyone else up on accident anyways. You decide that you could try messaging someone on pesterchum, but you wouldn't know who. You do make an attempt, however, and it appears you've struck gold on the first try.

 

versatileProphet is pestering tipsyGnostalgic  
VP: GOOD MORNING, ON THE OFF CHANCE YOU ARE AWAKE over  
TG: Oooooooo! :o  
TG: Good morning!  
TG: I didn't expect any of the kids to be up yet!  
VP: JOEY WOKE ME UP, I THINK OUT OF HABIT, BUT WERE BORED AND THERES NOTHING TO DO  
VP: WHICH IS WHY I MESSAGED YOU  
VP: IN THE HOPES THAT YOU WOULD BE AWAKE over  
TG: Well here I am! Awake and talking to youuuuu. c:  
TG: Tell Joey I said hi, btw. 

 

You tell Joey that Roxy says hi, and Joey pulls out her phone to pester her herself. 

 

TG: Whatd’ya wanna talk about? Anything specifically on your mind? Or do you just want my (patent pending) Roxy Babble to pass the time?

 

You think for a moment before responding.

 

VP: I DONT KNOW, HONESTLY. I JUST MESSAGED SOMEONE WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT over  
TG: Roxy Babble it is then!  
TG: Imma just go on a limb here and guess you don't know the status of the universe. As in, what the universe is in its entirety.  
TG: Well, long story short: its a frog.  
TG: The universe, and every universe, is a big, colossus cosmic frog.  
TG: I'm not gonna explain the why's and how's, honestly I don't think I even could, but yeah.  
TG: Tjems the breaks  
TG: *Thems lol  
VP: I DONT UNDERSTAND, AND FRANKLY I DONT KNOW IF I WANT TO over  
TG: I didn't understand either, tbh. I think I do now? I'm not sure, it's still p weird.  
TG: I don't really even know if I should be saying this, but oops its already sent bye bye message it's too late to delete now.  
TG: I just said the first thing that popped to mind :P  
TG: But you're not bored, right?  
VP: NO, IF ANYTHING I AM A LITTLE DISCOMFORTED BY YOUR NONCHALANT ATTITUDE ABOUT THIS over  
TG: Haha, that's good c:  
TG: I am abdolutely certain that this will be a good enough topic to keep with, so feel free to ask questions.  
TG: *absolutely  
VP: HOW DO YOU KNOW THE UNIVERSE IS A FROG over  
TG: That's a loooooooong story, and I think it would be better if you didn't hear it just yet.  
TG: But I can say that it's the same reason I can talk to you as I am now, and why I got to meet Rose, and why Earth C exists.  
TG: OH I never explained Earth C to you, did I? I should do that.  
VP: I KNOW ABOUT THIS PLANET, AND HOW IT IS IN A SEPARATE UNIVERSE TO THE ONE JOEY AND I CAME FROM. I ASKED JAKE ABOUT IT YESTERDAY over  
TG: Oh phew I thought I would have to go through that strange convo, but nope Jake has already took that bullet for my hot prez bod, like “Get down Miss President! There's an awkward explanation of the world shooting towards you!” And BAM he took it instead.  
TG: Oh sorry, I didn't mean to be all weird right there.  
VP: OH NO IM USED TO IT  
VP: MINI-TANGENTS TENDED TO BE ONE OF MY BABYSITTERS MAIN HABITS WHEN SHE WAS INEBRIATED  
VP: NOT TO ASSUME YOU ARE INEBRIATED, THOUGH. YOU DONT SEEM LIKE THE TYPE over  
TG: Ha, well, glad you think so!  
TG: …  
TG: Was your babysitter drunk often?  
VP: YEAH, SHE WAS. I DIDNT REALLY MIND THOUGH, BECAUSE SHE WAS STILL SUPER SMART AND A CAPABLE STRIFER.  
VP: AND SHE WAS ACTUALLY THERE FOR US, SO IT DIDNT MATTER over  
TG: I see  
TG: Well, I am not drunk, and I hope that you won't have to see me drunk anytime in the near future.  
TG: I'm going to go visit you guys now, ok? I'll talk to you in a minute.  
tipsyGnostalgicversatileProphet

You feel bad for kinda-sorta insinuating that Roxy might be drunk, because you shouldn't compare her to your Roxy. They aren't the same person, they just happen to have the same name and look very similar, and so you shouldn't treat them as such. You should probably apologize to Roxy when she gets here. Which was sooner than you thought. She wasn't kidding with the whole “talk to you in a minute” thing.

Joey ran to the door to let her in, and almost immediately is wrapped up in a tight hug. You come out to join them after you're sure that they're all hugged out, because while this Roxy is similar to your Roxy, you don't feel comfortable hugging someone you don't really know. When you hugged her yesterday, you had really thought it was your Roxy, but you know better now. You are caught in a hug anyways, because Roxy is the affectionate type, as you should have probably guessed. It's not that bad, though, and you should probably not complain because of your earlier conversational fault. 

“Hello you adorable children! Aunty Roxy is here to save you from boredom!” She says cheerfully when she releases you, and you and Joey share a grin. “First off on the Fun To-Do List, I think we should probably get you some breakfast! I don't think Dirk has anything here, other than orange drinks. He's such a weirdo, he always was one though.” Roxy makes her way into the kitchen, and you and Joey are close behind when she jumps onto the table. She sits criss-cross on top of it, holding her feet as she smiled down at the both of you.

“Okay, so, there's this really cool thing I can do, but its really difficult. I don't know if I'll manage to do it, but I wanna show off for you guys a bit!” She says, and she closes her eyes and puts her hands together. She stays that way for a moment, until suddenly she's holding a plate filled with pancakes. You and Joey are very surprised, unsurprisingly, but even Roxy herself seems surprised too. “Oh wow, I did not expect that to work at all! I'm normally really bad at this. I guess I'm improving!” She jumps off the table and sets down the pancakes, before searching the drawers and cabinets for some eating utensils. When she retrieves enough for the three of you, she distributes the pancakes between you all and you enjoy fresh made-out-of-thin-air pancakes. 

“How did you do that?!” Joey asks before taking a bite of her serving. You nod, wondering the same thing, and Roxy shrugs smugly. 

“Who knows? Maybe that's a coooool story, and I'll tell you later? Once you've fully adjusted to this place.” She teased, poking Joey in the shoulder before continuing eating. It was such a familiar gesture, you almost forgot that you were in a different universe. Roxy really was very similar to your babysitter, and you really could only wonder why.

The three of you finish eating after what felt like ages, thanks to the power of mindless conversation about what can feasibly be put into pancake batter before it is inedible due to sheer amount of flavor, and Roxy puts all the dishes in the sink to be done later. The three of you muse on what to do next when suddenly Dirk appears. He was surprisingly quick, and also surprisingly quiet. You hadn't noticed him until he spoke.

“Roxy, can I ask what the fuck you are doing here so early in the morning?” He asks, walking over to the fridge to pour himself a glass of orange juice. Roxy just grins and folds her hands on the table, leaning forward in her seat. 

“I'm babysitting. What's it look like?” She says innocently, and you and Joey scoot your chairs closer to her. “The kids were bored, and alone, and oh so hungry, so what can ya do?” She shrugs. Dirk shakes his head, and you wish that you could see behind his glasses. He shows no expression with them on.

“They weren't possibly up before you let yourself in.” He responds, and the three of you at the table shake your heads. 

“They were, in fact, up before I came over. In fact, they were the ones to message me, in fact. There's a lot of in facts in this story, in fact.” You and Joey both chuckle, before silencing yourselves to watch Dirks reaction. Unless you are mistaken, there is the tiniest of smiles on his face. “Oh yeah, I got them breakfast so you don't have to worry about that.” Roxy adds, and Dirk sits at the table with you all.

“Really? What about the other two?” He nods in the direction of your room, and Roxy shakes her head sheepishly. He lets out a small snort and sips at his orange juice. What a cool guy. “I'm guessing you forgot about them because they weren't up? You'll need to bring more food next time.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I got it. Next time, two pancake platters. Does that sound alright?” You and Joey cheer your agreement.

“Will you do the cool trick again?!” You ask, and Roxy glances at Dirk before shrugging.  
“I dunno, I can try though!” She says before Dirk stops her.

“You showed them your Void powers?” He asks, more tired than angry, but Roxy still winced.

“Well, yeah, but… Actually, I have no explanation for this. I'm sorry.” She leans back into her chair, not looking at anyone around the table before shrugging. “I thought it would be cool, and they were bored soooo… yeah.” She mutters, and Dirk sighs.

“You know, explaining how you can do that isn't really one of the things I wanted to do today.” He said, and Roxy sits up again.

“I told them I'd explain later, once they're more used to this place.” She says sternly, and Dirk takes a sip of his juice instead of replying. The four of you sit in silence for a minute until he finishes, and after he puts the cup by the sink he speaks.

“Let's go play Mario Kart.” 

The four of you position yourselves around the TV, and character selection goes much the same as before, except Roxy picks a character called Rosalina that you don't recognize.

“Why do you pick Peach, Dirk?” Joey asks, and Dirk shrugs.

“Dirk can relate to her, he's a blonde prince who don't need no man, and she's a blonde princess who don't need no Mario.” Roxy states matter-of-factly, and Joey is shocked. 

“Dirks a prince?” She asks, and as Roxy laughs Dirk shakes his head.

“No, I'm not. Not in the traditional sense, at least.” He responds, and though she's now confused Joey doesn't reply. “But Peach is badass.”

“What are you talking about? She always needs saving from Bowser!” You respond and Roxy snorts.

“Don't get him started on Bowser…” She murmurs, but Dirk ignores her.

“Without getting into my thoughts on Bowser, Roxy, I will explain why Peach is a badass.” Roxy rolls her eyes and starts the match, but Dirk continues. “First of all, she adapts to her situations very well. She may play damsel in distress in most cases, but once she is needed she can play her part perfectly.” Dirk somehow is still in first place, even though he wasn't focusing on the race. “Second of all, she doesn't take shit. If you don't clean up your act, she won't give you the time of day. As shown by the ending of Super Mario Odyssey, where Bowser and Mario's childish behavior leads to her straight up ignoring them.” Dirk finishes the second lap after being hit by a blue shell and falling back a few places, but he quickly recovers. “Thirdly, she has her kingdom in such good order that even with her being kidnapped every other week, it still runs perfectly.” He finishes the race in first, and you are astonished by his sheer skill at the game. “I could go on, but I wouldn't want to bore you.” Roxy sticks out her tongue at him, a childish gesture that even you could recognize, and Dirk waves her off. 

“I am 90% you were cheating.” Roxy says, and she flicks his shoulder. He doesn't seem to react, and Roxy apparently took that as a challenge. She continued flicking him, then moved on to pushing him, and any number of things to get a reaction from his pointy-shaded face. She finally received one when she went after said pointy glasses.

“Rox- No! Fuck” She stole his glasses, put them on her face, and immediately shot into the air like a bottle rocket. She could fly?!? “Roxy, get down here and give those back!”

“Nnnnope~!” Roxy pops the p at the end. “You'll have to come up here and grab em from me, princey~!” She adds in a singsongy tone. Dirk sighed, shook his head, and jumped up after her. He could fly too? Huh. Somehow, not as surprising. 

“We shouldn't fly around the kids, Rox. It could freak them out.” Dirk shouted as the cheery girl flew off down a hallway behind her. Dirks house was small, he was the only one living there after all [until now,] but the ceiling had been pretty high. It was curious at the time, but if these things happened commonly enough you could understand the elevated ceiling. It wasn't as big as Half-Harley Manor, not nearly, but it reminded you of the high ceilings of home in a nice way. You glance over at Joey, who stared at the hall the two had gone down until they came back, still shouting back and forth over the subject of the glasses. 

The shouting had seemingly woken up the trolls, who were promptly terrified by the events until you and Joey explained. Not that you really knew much, just that they could fly and Roxy stole Dirks glasses. Xefros, seeing how calm Joey was [or really how in awe she was,] calmed down considerably quicker than Dammek, who still veered to the slightly-alarmed-and-cautious side of things. You couldn't blame him, you would've probably reacted the same way if you hadn't seen Roxy's magic qualities earlier that morning. 

A sudden shout of alarm and a crash sounded from the kitchen, and you kids run into the room more than a little alarmed. Dirk and Roxy are sprawled out, broken table underneath them, and as Dirk sits up dazed you notice that Roxy wasn't moving. A sudden bolt of painful emotion shoots through your system, but you stubbornly push it back. 

“Oh, fuck. Rox?” Dirk crawls over to her, and sighs. “Shes fine! Don't worry.” He says to you all, and you relax a little. “It's going to suck cleaning this up, Rox, you are a disaster.” He stands up and dusts off his pants, before lightly nudging her with his foot. 

“Is she really okay?” Joey asks, worry creeping its way into her tone. Dirk looks back at you all and nod.

“Yeah. I'm not gonna move her though, just to be safe. This… happens, fairly often actually. Normally not in my house, though.” He replied, and then he's pushing you out of the room. “Let's leave her be, you guys can play Mario Kart for a while.” His dismissal of the event is less reassuring as he probably hoped, but you go play Mario Kart anyways. Is that the only game he has? Surely not, maybe it's the only multiplayer one though. Dirk watched you all play, giving tips to you and Joey and praising the trolls for their aptitude for the game. After about four rounds, in which Dammek is the victor always, Roxy leaves the kitchen.

She returns Dirks glasses, which seemed to have come out of the crash unharmed. She apologized, and he said the blame is on himself, and blah blah this is normal nonsense for after a game goes wrong. They continue on for a while, placing the blame on themselves and then each other and when it devolves into teasing over what happened it was to be expected. You've been through the same cycle with Joey before, and know it will go on until someone interrupts. That someone turns out to be Dammek, and you're, truly, relieved.

“Okay, so, I was wondering what we were supposed to be doing today? Also, is there breakfast to be had or no?” Dirk and Roxy are reminded that they are adults, and that one of them is supposed to be taking care of the children, and they stop their chatter to think.

“I have just remembered that you don't have food. Also, Dirk, the kids lack entertainment other than your Switch, and I don't think you've got them any more clothes.” Roxy immediately started reprimanding Dirk on his lack of essential kids stuff, and it is apparent that you are most likely going to the store if Roxy is left in charge. “Okay, so, we will be going to the store, and I'll be going with you all to ensure that Dirk gets you guys everything you want.” And you called it.

“Okay, then.” Dammek replied with a shrug, and Roxy went to go get a pen and paper to start a grocery list. You don't know why, its apparent that Dirk has nothing other than orange juice and needs everything.

“Oh, right. You should probably leave your weapons here, and probably your pigeon too Jude.” Roxy said upon return, and Dammeks mood immediately fell. You and him both return to your room, Joey and Xefros left behind because their weapons lack any real danger, to leave your weapons on the bed. You let Byers out of your captchalogue and tell him to be good, and with that you were ready to go to the store. Or, mostly ready, because Roxy was still making the list and Dirk had disappeared. 

“I could request Kanaya to make some new clothes for you and Dammek, Xef, since sign-specific clothes are almost impossible to find, but Joey and Jude should be fine.” Roxy says, and she pulls out her phone to do just that. “And as soon as Dirk manages to borrow someone's car, we'll be able to go.” 

“Dirk doesn't have a car?” You ask, and Roxy nods.

“We never got to learn until recently, and we never needed one anyways. Kinda do now though, because walking everywhere will probably suck for you guys. I know it did yesterday.” She was right, walking did suck yesterday, but not as much as it could have. You guess that it is because of your recent adventures, and opt to just be happy for the promise of a car now.

“I really should have gone out and gotten one myself, but whatever. I'm pretty certain it'll be fine. Just sit on the couch and wait, please.” You do so, and Dammek joins you. Joey had disappeared off to who knows where, and so you were left with just Dammek and Xefros for conversation. You could get along with Dammek just fine, you considered him a good friend even, but you didn't know Xefros that well. That should make it easy, right? Except no, it doesn't, because leaving Xefros out of a conversation would be extremely rude. You like to think yourself as better than that, honestly. 

“Where did Joey go?” You ask, hoping that somehow a real conversation would start itself if you say anything. Xefros startles, as if he didn't expect you to say anything, and you face him in eager anticipation for his reply. Please, let it be an actual answer.

“I don't know, really. She said she was going to do something, and that's it.” He replied, and you scream a little in your head. Of course, it wouldn't be easy like ‘oh she's getting food’ leading into ‘oh cool! What was food like on Alternia?’ leading to many many more replies and inevitably a nice conversation in which you get to know the alien your sister had been hanging around while simultaneously including Dammek in the conversation. You should have realized your planned conversation was an impossibility, since there was no food to be got in the first place. Roxy leaves the room, so hope of an external conversational catalyst leaves you immediately.

What feels like hours of an awkward silence ensues, though you are aware the time passing by was probably only a little more than a minute. But your feelings of awkwardness are obviously not yours alone, because even with his shades on you can see the discomfort on Dammeks face, and Xefros’s usual slightly-nervous demeanor has now devolved into an actual nervous demeanor as the silence grew. 

“Welp. This is real fucking awkward. I guess an attempt must be made to fix that, and I guess I'm going to be the one to make that attempt. What the fuck, Jude, you never shut up on Earth, why the sudden radio static here?” Dammek, the best troll on this planet obviously, cuts into the silence in his usual angry and vulgar way.

“Language, Dammek! And technically, we’re still on Earth, just a different universe Earth? I'm just out of things to say! This situation came out of nowhere, I don't have any scripts prepared. I have no ‘there are cultists I have been watching for months that may be being the recent monster attacks’ kind of tidbits that might be useful. I can only say that this world is a mystery and I will solve it. Also-”

“Shut up, Jude. 90% of our conversations on your Earth didn't have anything to do with the cultists or monsters, it was just a bunch of conspiracy theories that were complete nonsense. Like, seriously? An alien fish lady running a baking supply factory? That's not very believable.” 

“That theory is the most believable of all of the ones on my wall!”

“So you agree that all of your theories are bad, then.”

“That's not what- augh!” You throw your arms into the air, sliding down off the couch and landing on the floor in a puddle. Dammek nudged you with his foot, but you opted to ignore him and play dead.

“Er, Dammek. Weren't most of your walls plastered with your own conspiracy theories? Maybe you shouldn't judge Jude's.” Xefros interjects, and you take your time raising from the dead (and the floor) as you wait for Dammeks reply.

“Those are different.” He opted for, and you and Xefros both scoff simultaneously.

“How are those any different? Conspiracy theories are conspiracy theories, you can at least fess up to the fact that you are a complete dweeb for having them. Like I did.” 

“Jude. You are more than just a dweeb. You are a mega dweeb.” Dammek says solemnly, and you hold back a snort of amusement.

“You, Dammek, are the King of dweebs if I am a mega dweeb.” You hear a small laugh from Xefros, and watch Dammeks usually blank facade break into a half-amused smile before returning to its neutral state. It makes you think of the Striders, who you've noticed tend to keep their faces carefully neutral at all times. Dave less so than Dirk, but still. The three are surprisingly similar, but your getting distracted. 

“I guess I'm the King then. Bow before my might, all hail King me.” He responds completely deadpan, and you give your best most exaggerated bow in response.

“All hail the king, let his dumb conspiracy theories ring true throughout the ages.” You just barely manage to keep the laughter out of your voice, but you break as soon as your finished talking. You hear Xefros and Dammek join you, and your glad that the semi-humorous conversation was as funny to them as it was to you. You thank Dammek silently in your mind once again, because if he hadn’t said anything you would still be sitting on the couch awkwardly waiting for Joey or Roxy or someone to save you all. 

Soon Roxy, Dirk, and Joey return, and you pile yourselves into a beat-up SUV to head to the store. You all separate into your own pairings for conversation, you and Dammek left to discuss what you've learned about Earth C, but you feel as though you could jump into any other pairs conversations without being pushed to the side. It's an odd feeling, because even in your (old?) friend group you often felt left out, but its not an unwelcome one. 

You feel quite happy, even if you need to know more about the planet you're on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have apparently got a personal vendetta against myself because past me decided to put so many pesterlog lines.  
> I also want to put a disclaimer that I do not like pineapple on pizza, I just felt it was in character to add an argument about pizza.  
> Also, "Why was Roxy up at like six wouldn't she be the type to sleep in until twelve?" may be a question you ask. An answer: As well as having two loving early bird girlfriends, Roxy stayed up all night and well into the morning thinking about frogs.


	3. Xefros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to apologize that this chapter took so long. I could make excuses and stuff but tbh I was procrastinating. Next chapter will be out sooner though, I promise. That promise might not be kept but I'll attempt to keep it  
> Also, its probably really bad but I did some minor revisions and editing so this is probably the best its going to get cause each time I said I'd work on it I didnt so Im just going to post it now.

You are now Xefros Tritoh, which is a strange thing to say since you were always yourself, and you were amazed at the sheer size of the store. It was kind of overwhelming, and it didn't help that as soon as you entered everyone ran off in different directions. You were left alone to your own devices, and though the store was very empty the few people you could see didn't look particularly friendly. Or well, they were highbloods, or at least higher caste than you, and thus unfriendly looking by default. You also saw a few humans, but they were much fewer than the trolls. 

You wandered around, avoiding anyone you didn't recognize, which meant basically everyone, until you wandered into an aisle filled with sports equipment you didn't recognize. You guessed this civilization didn't have the violent Alternian sports, and instead had Earth sports. You were looking at the bats when two trolls around your age walked up behind you. You didn't notice them at first, until they tapped your shoulder to get your attention. 

You, startled because that's what happened when you didn't expect something, jumped back and turned to face them. A blue-blood girl with blue shades and hair pulled back into a messy ponytail and a jade blood wearing a fluffy green jacket with a blue beanie faced you with amusement clearly written on their faces.

“You're new, ain't ya? Carvel, I don't recognize ‘im, do you?” The blue blood had a certain accent you didn't recognize, but her voice was certainly a higher pitch than you would have expected. The Jade peeked at you through the fluff of their jacket, and shook its head. It did something with its hands and the blue-blood chuckled. “You're right, we should introduce ourselves.” The blue smiled, and held her hand out in front of her in greeting.

“Heya, rusty, names Phirun Ruirem. This Jade right here is my morail Carvel Parlas. They're a cutie, ain't they?” The blue blood took your hand and gave it a shake, and honestly you were a bit unsettled by her friendliness. Carvel smiled, or you think they smiled, you can't really see their face too well. They do the thing with their hands again, and Phirun moved a bit away from you with a slight frown. “Jegus, you're right! I’m sorry, rusty, I didn’ notice I was scarin’ ya. I'm a bit excited to meet someone new, y’see. I'm not the most popular kid in the schoolyard, it's pretty much just me and Carvel all the time, so you can understand if I'm a bit too excited.” She rambled a bit, and you find your tensed shoulders relax a bit. She was obviously not interested in gutting you on the spot, at least not right at that moment, so you should probably introduce yourself. For politenesses sake.

“Um, I'm Xefros. Xefros Tritoh.” You give a weak smile, and Phirun gives a wide one in return. She also made some gestures with her hands, and you could tell they were purposeful, unlike with Carvel. Carvel made the gestures too fast to seem purposeful, but they had to be or else they wouldn’t make them.

“Xefros, Imma call you Xef, kay? Xef, I'm happy ta meet ya! We’re gonna be great friends, I know it.” Phirun said, and Carvel did the hand thing again. You were going to assume it wass ASL, because Phirun appeared to understand perfectly fine and her gestures earlier seemed like ASL. “Oh yes that's a good idea Carvel! Xef, do you have a trollian account? Cause if so, you should totally give me your trollhandle!” Phirun took out a palmhusk and opened the trollian app before handing the device to you. You quickly complied and gave her your handle, though you were kinda uncertain about the action, and gave her her palmhusk back. 

“Nice! Well, we ought ta get ta know each other better, right? Ya like sports, right, that's why you're here in the equipment aisle? What's ya favorite sport?” She took her palmhusk back and turned towards the equipment. You think she looked sad for a moment, before she turned back with an even wider grin than before. You felt like that grin was more preformative than before.

“I played Arena Stickball in the past, but I don't see any equipment for it here so I don't think you guys have it.” You replied, shrugging a little as you glanced back at the equipment surrounding you. There was no reason this planet would have alternian sports, they were quite violent and did rely on caste roles a lot. But was there no caste system? You didn't know, but it sure seemed like it if Phirun was being so friendly. Unless she was weird, which isn't that much of a stretch at this point. Joey would like the lack of a caste system. So would Dammek, too, you guess.

“Oh yea, I don't know what you're talkin’ about, so I'll assume it’s a cool sport. I saw you were peekin’ at the baseball equip, so are ya thinkin’ bout testing those waters?” Phirun took a bat off the rack, looking it over before offering it to you. You took it without question, because you didn't know what her reaction would be if you didn't. Caution is best when dealing with highbloods. “I used ta play, until the Incident happened and I was kicked off the team. But I can teach ya how ta play anytime, just give me a beep on your phone. Just grab a bat, a mitt, a helmet, and a ball.”

She took the items off the shelves and handed them to you, and you wished you had a basket or something to carry them. Until you remembered you could captchalouge them, and you did so. Carvel gestured with their hands, and Phirun quickly noticed your confusion and translated.

“Carvels warning ya not ta forget that you captchalouged those. The security can get real strict when it comes to accidental theft.” Your response, and thanks, was interrupted by Roxy and Joey quickly running into the aisle. 

“Xeffy! There you are! I was so heckin worried about you, you have no idea! Joey told me she couldn't find you, and we were runnin’ all over the place. We found you now, though! We're sorry about runnin off without ya, hun, I was jus’ excited to show Joey all the games and toys we have!” Roxy immediately started rambling on with apologies and questions of if you were okay, which you quickly responded to with a ‘I'm fine’ that didn't seem to satisfy her, while Joey immediately noticed the two trolls you were talking to. You noticed how her guard went up, and how she grabbed your arm like those time on Alternia when you had to run away or be culled. You had no doubt that she was planning on running, then. You patted her arm as reassuringly as you could muster, and smiled.

“Hey, Joey. This is Phirun and Carvel, they were talking to me about this planet’s sports! Did your Earth have baseball?” The two trolls were to engaged in their own silent conversation to pay attention to you guys, but Phirun quickly gave a small wave when she was mentioned. Joey visibly relaxed, though you could tell she was still wary. You were too, just a little bit, but Phirun had given you a potential weapon so you didn't think she had any malevolent intent. Yet.

“Oh, yeah. I didn't play, though, but-” 

“ITS THE FOUNDER!” Phirun shrieked in delight, as Carvel face palmed behind her, and if her glasses weren't in the way you believe you would surely see stars in her eyes. Roxy, seemingly having just noticed her, just shrugged with a sheepish smile. 

“Oh, uh, yep! I am one of the founders, that's right. But, uh, could you keep it down? Joe and Xeffy don't exactly know what that means and I don't wanna explain right now.” She responded, and you and Joey share a confused glance. More explanations? More than you were already promised?

“Anything for you, ma'am!” Phirun gave a salute with a wide, excited grin, and Roxy mimicked her. “Carvel, this is soooo cool! We have ta go tell the WHOLE SCHOOL right away!” The two trolls run off, while you and Joey stared questioningly at Roxy until she told you to go look for more stuff together and absconded. Joey sighed with a shrug, before returning to her smile.

“I guess we go look around, I never got to the games we could look there. Or, maybe we could get some new clothes? We could do a style montage!” Joey gasped in delight and grabbed your hand, dragging you off to the clothes section in the store.

There were two large sections, Trolls and Humans, and two small sections, Consorts and Carapaces, and each section was divided into two more sections, male and female. Joey dragged you into the humans female section, but said she also wanted to see if the troll section had some nice clothes too. Alternian fashion, while unimportant to many trolls, had fascinated Joey. You remembered her asking quite a few of the people she met where they got a particularly nice garment, until she learned that most trolls weren’t very friendly and she decided to leave it be. You hoped she wouldn't be disappointed by troll fashion here. 

Joey grabbed quite a few shirts off the shelves, going for all sorts of colors and symbols, and she grabbed more things that she didn't let you see saying “Its for the montage!” You didn't understand, but her happy, secretive smile made you happy that you didn't question it. She drags you around for a while as she picks out more clothes, and then finally goes to the dressing room to try on each individual outfit, of which there were so many you will only list the few you both decided on getting in the end.

The first on the list was an orange T-shirt with a yellow sun symbol, labelled ‘founder merch,’ with a yellow skirt and hat to match. Her gray coat, which she wore over her outfit no matter what, offset the bright colors in a way that wasn't quite bad but definitely not good enough that a fashion-driven person would excuse the clashing, but you both are not that person so you were keeping it!

The second outfit was more cohesive, and matched well with her gray coat. She wore a magenta shirt with a pink heart design on it, and opted for a long flowy black skirt with gray speckles to finish it. Her shoes were well hidden by the skirt, which hid the fact that that outfit needed something other than dancing shoes to make it work. 

Why are you taking time to describe these outfits? Well, Joey was asking for your opinion, and you actually had to think about the outfits to do that, and also it was genuinely fun doing a ‘style montage’ with her. Also there's not much to say other than ‘a style montage happened’ if you didn’t. But there's still another outfit to describe, so excuses could come later. 

This outfit was Joey’s favorite, though you didn't know or understand why, and of course it was one where she didn't let you see the components. For this outfit Joey had strolled into the Troll-section of the clothing aisles. The shirt was, to your surprise, filled with each color from the hemospectrum, including the bright red you had only associated with humans. The text on it read “blind to the rainbow” in white.

It was pretty apparent that while the hemospectrum may not apply to this place to the extent it did on Alternia, but there was still some effects of it. Or, some trolls were trying to make it apply. Or maybe it was just to keep trolls satisfied with the way things were. You don't think you’ll find out anytime soon. Not unless you maybe ask Phirun? But you wouldn't want to bother her. But that's a bit of a side tangent, back to clothes. 

She also had a necklace, which you recognized as the sign of the sufferer but you think probably had a different context here, and a chain bracelet she told you was a charm bracelet. She said that she could attach things to it, and wear them to signify things she liked. These were the only significant things about the outfit, because the skirt and shoes were still her normal skirt and shoes. But she loved it nonetheless, and you both looked at the charms you could buy for a while before moving on to the next section of store. After Joey put her normal clothes back on, of course. 

You ended up finding a ballet slipper charm, which made Joey happy because it meant that this planet wasn't so different from Earth that ballet didn't exist. Joey found a few more charms for herself, and then you both left the clothes aisle in search for something other than clothes. You guys wandered around until you got to an aisle which you recognized as filled with video games and game devices. None of the brands are brands either you or Joey recognized, CrockerCorp and SkaiaNet being two of them, but you both found a few games and game devices you guys would want to play. Joey found a fidus spawn copy-cat game she recognized from Earth, and insisted you both got devices to play it. 

You would have agreed to it even without her pushing you for it, but you didn't tell her that. She was happy when you said ‘sure,’ and that made you happy. She grabbed a blue device and a red one, she said it was for color coordination and helping in distinguishing which belonged to who, and she even contemplated picking up some devices and copies for Jude and Dammek, before going on her palmhusk and asking Jude if he wanted the items.

Speaking of palmhusk, yours notified you of a new message. You pulled it out to see who it was from, and didn't recognize the name. As you could have guessed, though, it was Phirun. Did she leave the store already, or was she just not going to search the entire store to talk to you in person? It didn’t matter in either case, you were just a tiny bit curious.

 

deadlyBatter  is trolling  practicedPage  
DB: yO xEf! Its mE, phIrUn, In cAsE yOU cOUldnt tEll.  
PP: oh, hi phirun! why are you messaging me?  
DB: Oh, yOU knOw, I wAs bOrEd And stUff.  
DB: AlsO I wAs wOndErIng hOw yOU knEw rOxy.  
PP: oh thats easy! i know roXy because she is joeys babysitter. or, an alternate universe roXy was? its all very confusing and it kind of got lost in Xlation when we arrived here.  
DB: sO yOU lIvE wIth rOxy?  
PP: no, we live with dirk!  
DB: whO ElsE dO yOU knOw?  
PP: we met a lot of people, I dont remember all of their names sorry X:(  
PP: i bet joey does though!  
DB: Ok! cAn I hAvE hEr hAndlE?  
PP: ill ask if she doesn't mind  
DB: Oh yEA! Is jOEy thE OthEr hUmAn thAt wAs wIth yOU? Im AskIng fOr cArvEl, thEy ArE cUrIOUs.  
PP: you can give carvel my handle if they want it, I don't mind  
PP: just so you don't have to message me for them  
PP: but yea! joey is the human I was with, other than roXy X:)  
DB: thAnk yOU xEf. cArvEls qUEstIOns ArE tOO… pErsOnAl, I dOnt fEEl Ok rElAyIng thEm  
PP: that… doesnt sound nice   
DB: Its nOthIng bAd! Its jUst nOnE Of my bUIsnEss, And Id rAthEr nOt drIvE AwAy A nEw frIEnd wIth IntrUsIvE qUEstIOns  
PP: ok…?   
DB: Im gOIng tO gO nOw. lAtEr xEf.  
deadlyBatter has ceased trolling  practicedPage

 

You got a minute to interpret that conversation before you were being pestered by someone you assumed was Carvel.

 

brokenData  is trolling practicedPage  
BD: Hello!!! I am Carvel… Nice to talk to you Xefros!!!   
BD: I know it’’’s very intrusive of me,,, but I was wondering if Joey was,,, perhaps,,, your morail??? It certainly seemed like it to me,,, but I like to get confirmation before I add things to my chart!!!  
PP: what?   
PP: um, no, joey is not my morail. i think. why?  
BD: Oooh!!! Unconfirmed,,, then,,, but plausible??? I can add that to my chart,,, but it’’’ll be kiiinda out of place… But that’’’ll be fixed after you guys sort that out… √:)  
BD: Oh and to answer why I am asking,,, I am what is known as a shipper!!! But I don'’’t think that's an apt description,,, because I only care about tracking the status of confirmed ships!!! I am always the first to know of any changes in quadrants of any student in our school,,, because I make it my business!!! Most people don’’’t like that about me,,, but they gave up trying to get me to stop after I started selling the information!!! People like to know if their flush crush already has that quadrant filled… √;)  
PP: uh  
BD: I’’’d be happy to share info with you for free,,, however,,, since you made Phi so happy by talking to her!!! She only has me after the Incident,,, but I know that one day she will be the most popular person in school… She just needs to give it time,,, but she’’’s very impatient which makes me sad,,, '’’cause she gets all sad about it,,, but I know she will learn one day!!!  
BD: But anyways,,, I need to go update my charts… I hope I didn’’’t freak you out about this stuff… And let me know developments with Joey,,, please,,, I’’’d love to know everything about your relationship… √:D  
brokenData  has ceased trolling  practicedPage

 

The short chat was confusing, especially since you couldn't really get a word in after Carvel started talking about their ships, (what) and you were glad when Joey started pulling you away from the game aisle and towards the front of the store.

You both had ended up with a LOT of stuff, and Joey had even found some new ballet slippers like you found some sports stuff. Of course, Joey had more stuff than you, but what you had was already enough. It was a lot more stuff you had planned to get, anyways.

Dammek was already up front, as was Roxy and Dirk. Joey, even though she had told you she didn't think Dammek was worse than dirt anymore, still made a point to avoid him as she walked up to ask Roxy what to do next. You, meanwhile, stayed a good distance away from the group in general. The adults still scared you, and you felt really awkward around Dammek after the break-up. It wasn't anything against him, you still believe he was a good morail to you, even if he wasn't the best. It was just that you felt that there was another person, you won't exactly say who, who would possibly be better for you. And, maybe you were starting to feel that you did deserve better, thanks to that person. 

But that's a tangent, one your new friend Carvel would probably want to hear, so you stop thinking about it. You also file this under ‘things not to think about around Carvel,’ a new category of thoughts thanks to this planet. Another category is ‘things to ask Joey about Earth,’ and ‘things to just not question’ like “what are consorts and carapaces?” 

“Xefros?” A hand waving in front of your face brings you out of your thoughts, and you jump a little when you recognize that it was Dammek. “You were really out of it for a sec there, dude. Dirk and Rox are taking us to the furniture section, so we can get some stuff to decorate and some ‘beds.’” He pointed over his shoulder, where Dirk and Roxy were walking off, Roxy dragging a kind of worried-looking Joey behind her. 

“Uh, thanks for telling me.” You managed to say after a bit of awkward silence. You ran to catch up with the humans, leaving Dammek behind, and you discreetly looked over your shoulder as you absconded, and you felt kind of bad, because Dammek seemed to be looking dejected. When you caught up with Joey you filed this under ‘things you need to think about later,’ because suddenly you were feeling guilty.

 

You reached the furniture section, where you guys found Jude pushing a cart with a sapling inside. When asked why he had a sapling, he talked about how he wanted to have a new tree house in the future. When told that it would take a while to grow strong enough for that, he deflated a little, but Roxy promised she would find a way for his treehouse to exist again. You didn't know how she would manage that, but Jude didn’t seem to doubt her abilities. Maybe she had tree-growing powers? You didn't know, but you asked Jude where he found the tree sapling because you thought a tree to climb (without a treehouse in the way) would be nice. Trees also reminded you of your lusus, who you were already starting to miss.

Joey and Dirk were too busy looking at furniture, and Dammek was inspecting the sopor-infused sheets they had for sale, so Jude led you and Roxy to the gardening section, which you liked because of all the trees and other plants that were around. You weren't a gardener, you didn't enjoy that activity much, but you enjoyed being in gardens. You could appreciate the natural world, and the care people put into well-kept gardens. Also, plants were nice.

Jude led you to the trees, and you picked out three different trees because you didn't know what each kind would grow like. You picked an oak, ‘because if it's strong enough for a treehouse it's strong enough to climb’ according to Jude, a willow because it sounded nice, and an apple tree because Jude said it produced fruit and you thought an extra source of food sounded nice. Roxy grabbed a lot of flower seeds and already grown potted flowers, as well as some fertilizer because “You need all the flower shiz to make the yard look nice, plus they smell good. You don't want a bunch of trees without some nice flowers with em.” You offered to push the cart, but Jude insisted on helping push because “its too heavy for you to push on your own.”

When you got back to the others, you were asked if their selections were fine for decorating the room, and when you agreed they went to the pet section of the store. Jude and Roxy ran ahead, leaving you behind with the heavy cart, but that was okay because you were able to move it on your own, contrary to what Jude had said. When Jude ran back, apologizing for forgetting you, you held back a self-deprecating remark you know would upset Joey and accepted his apology with an “its okay, I can push the cart on my own just fine,” but he insisted on helping you out. Humans are very nice, you think, and the process of getting the cart all the way across the store was a lot faster with Jude helping you. 

The pet section only had pet supplies, no actual pets, other than a few swimbea- fish, you mean, human fish, Joey was saddened by. When you asked why, she responded that stores like this don't take care of the fish properly, and that they died quite often in their small, too-dirty and too-barren (and crowded) tanks. You agreed with her that that was really sad, and joined her in watching the poor creatures as Jude looked for an appropriately-sized birdcage for Byers. Dirk and Roxy were nowhere to be seen, you assumed they were helping Jude, and Dammek was drifting around the aisle looking at every item, though you knew the stuff wasn't that interesting. It seemed like he just had nothing to do, and you were surprised when Joey called him over to look at the “poor, poor, fish!” As she had put it. Dammek was surprised too, you saw, but he came over anyways. He kept his face carefully neutral, but you knew he was a bit uncomfortable being around you guys. You didn't really feel good about that, but you don’t know what you could do about it.

“What's with the fish? Why'd you call me over?” Admittedly, watching the fish was a bit boring, but Joey answered Dammek with such a rousing speech on the injustice that is the fish trapped in the tanks that you felt a little proud. Dammek, surely, wasn't expecting that, but when she had finished he agreed with a curt nod that it was terrible that the fish had to endure such a fate. He seemed appreciative of her speech skills, and it surprised you when he TOLD her he was happy to know someone like her took his place on Alternia, if anyone had to. She seemed surprised, too, but she smiled and thanked him before saying she appreciated that he took her place, too. She also thanked him for “making sure Jude didn't get himself killed” and Dammek snorted and responded with a “he sure did try” which Joey laughed at with a “sounds like Jude.”

The interaction continued for a small time without you, but soon enough you were dragged into the conversation by Joey and though he still responded and joked with you both Dammeks replies seemed more subdued than before when you weren’t included. When Joey suddenly gasped and ran off, shouting she forgot something and that she’d be back in a bit and leaving you and Dammek alone, the conversation lapsed into silence.

It was a heavy silence, and awkward in your opinion, so you eventually snuck off to the cart of tree saplings and just sat inside it with them just because you wanted to get away. The pots that held them, along with their sparse leaves, kept you decently concealed unless someone was really close, but the only people in the pet section was your group, and the tree cart was a good distance away from everyone else. 

You pulled out your palmhusk and decided to message someone, but you didn't know who. Another conversation with Carvel was not something you wanted at the moment, they confused you, and you knew talking to Phirun would lead Carvel to message you as well in the most probable situation. So you scrolled through the list of people you added, but hadn’t talked to, and clicked on a random name. You didn't remember who it was you messaged, the list of names to handles didn't match in your mind, but you had a feeling they were absolutely the wrong person to message at that time. But somehow, it worked out.

 

practicedPage  is trolling tentacleTherapist  
PP: uh, hello?   
PP: um, this is Xefros, and im sorry but I dont remember whose handle this was. I just wanted a distraction  
TT: Hello Xefros. This is Rose Lalonde you are speaking to, so you are aware. May I inquire as to why you require a distraction?  
PP: I dont think I want to talk about it, really  
TT: Hm, I guess I'll just have to muse about the why's on my own at a later time. I'll play along and act as a distraction, however.   
PP: uh, thanX rose  
TT: No worries, Xefros.   
TT: What would you like to speak about?  
PP: I don't know, sorry   
TT: Then, I'll ask how your first day living with Dirk has been. Admittedly, though I know an alternate versions of him’s shortcomings are not his own, I had been wondering if he was qualified to be a caretaker with his, erm, qualities.  
PP: I dont completely understand, but its nice at dirks hive. We played mario kart for a long time. roXy came to visit this morning, too. roXy broke his table though, so now were at the store getting new stuff. I met two trolls who are pretty weird, but that doesnt really answer your question  
TT: That sounds quite nice, I don't know why you are feeling off enough to need a distraction at this moment.  
TT: Could I take a guess at what's bothering you, or would that make you uncomfortable?  
PP: uh, I guess you could, if you really wanted to?   
TT: This has something to do with Dammek, doesn't it? I got the sense, when we met, that you both were very tense about something or other. Is that true?  
PP: um  
PP: yes?  
PP: kinda…   
TT: Do you wish to speak about it?   
PP: not really, sorry. I haven't gotX to the point where I'm comfortable with that just yet… at least, not with one of you guys yet  
TT: That's alright, I am aware that I am prying a bit. Its a bad habit of mine, you see. Dave got pretty irritated about it when we were younger.   
PP: I dont remember who that was, sorry  
TT: Oh don't worry about it, his most memorable features are his glasses and freudian-slip filled raps.  
PP: He raps??? X:o   
TT: Oh, yes. Sometimes he absolutely demolishes my phones data due to his rap-filled spam.  
TT: Why do you ask? Do you, perhaps, take part in rap music as well?  
PP: on alternia, it was mostly just a bit of slam poetry as well as general singing, but yea from what joey told me about it I do rap!  
TT: Oh? What did you sing? And I'm sure if you ask Dave wouldn't hesitate in partaking in a rap battle if you wanted.  
PP: I sang in a band, the Grubbles (or Grubbels, I dont remember which it was last) and I was the lead singer! I mostly sang the lines Dammek wrote, but I wrote some songs myself and also did some slam poetry about random objects to keep my skills sharp!  
TT: Do you have any examples of your work? If not, quite a few of our friends play instruments and would be willing to help you recreate it. I, in fact, play violin.  
PP: I dont, sorry, but that sounds really cool! I think that would be really fun X:)  
TT: I'll talk to them about it, and please tell me if Dammek is interested as well. Get Joey to ask him for you, if you're not comfortable doing so yourself any time soon.   
PP: ok  
PP: oh, I have to go now. joey found me  
TT: You were hiding?  
PP: oh, um, ya, I was feeling kinda awkward so I hid  
TT: Hm, interesting.  
TT: I guess I will converse with you again at a later date, Xefros. Goodbye.  
PP: oh, yeah! later, rose! X:)  
practicedPage has ceased trolling  tentacleTherapist

 

Joey helped you out of the sapling cart, without harming said saplings, but before she could question why you were there Jude was back, with Dirk and Roxy close behind. Dirk took over the pushing of the cart, and together you all made your way to the front of the store. You noticed that occasionally people would stop the adults, and begin talking in such excited voices that eventually got too loud for even Roxy. It confused you, and you could see the others were confused as well, but no one said anything so you let it be. 

Joey eventually dragged you away, with Jude and Dammek behind her, and while at first you didn't understand what she was doing soon you saw she was heading straight towards a cupsidated grimalkin sitting next to a bronze-blooded kid you felt you probably shouldn't talk to. But Joey normally had a good sense for people, so you didn't question her. 

“There are lusii on this planet?!?” She asked with a gasp, as she came to a halt in front of the pair. The bronze-blood looked at her strangely, but nodded in response. “Oh, they remind me of Deercat, I miss them…” Joey sighed as she gazed sadly at the lusus.

“Are you talking about my lusus?” Dammek asked, and Joey nodded, and the look on his face was so hilariously scandalized you could barely hold back a laugh. “You gave MY lusus a name like Deercat?!?!” Joey turned to face him, with a small shrug.

“It was that or Cornibuster. I liked Deercat though, cause I was calling them a deercat when I thought they were gonna kill me.” Dammek shook his head, and the other bronze-blood watched the conversation in confusion. It would be confusing, wouldn't it? You're glad you already knew this was a thing that had happened.

“Uh. What?” He said, and Joey turned to face him. Dammek turned as well, but you think he was probably still glaring at Joey out of the corner of his eye. “What are the both of you talking about?”

“She stole my lusus and gave it a dumb name” “I stole his lusus and gave it a great name.” The two of them say simultaneously, and your glad Jude laughed because then you were not alone in laughing. Joey smiled and chuckled herself, but Dammek seemed more irritated than humored. 

“At least I gave your barkbeast the same treatment as you did with my lusus. Except, instead of a dumb name I gave it a good name.” Joey stopped laughing. 

“No, nonono, no. You did NOT give Tessaract a weird alien name. Jude, please tell me he's lying!” She turned to him with a pleading look on her face.

“He did. I'm sorry, I couldn't stop him.” Jude stopped laughing to reply, and from how much he didn’t seem to care you think he probably didn’t even try to stop Dammek.

“You named my lusus, it’s only fair I named your barkbeast.” Dammek said smugly, leading Joey to turn back to him.

“You only learned this happened recently!”

“Karmas a bitch, Joe.”

The other bronzeblood, who had stopped trying to understand the situation as Dammek and Joey argued over names, turned to you and Jude for context. 

“We don't know what's happening either.” Jude said, and you quickly nod in agreement even though you’re pretty sure you both knew what was happening. He went on, “I'm Jude, what's your name?” He held his hand out for a handshake, and the bronze blood took it after a second's hesitation. 

“Durand. Nice to meet you, I guess.” His confusion was still clear on his face when his lusus gave a growly huff and knocked both Dammek and Joey over, pinning them on their backs with a single paw. “It seems like Grim grew tired of them. Are they always like that?” Durand pointed at them. Dammek was struggling to get out, but Joey had accepted her fate with a laugh.

“I don't know. Xefros?” Jude turned to you and you shrugged. “I guess it is a mystery.” Durand shook his head, almost as if he gave up on trying to understand.

“I guess. Are you guys new here? Also, what did your pal mean when he said that she stole his lusus? And where are your lusii?” He asked, and you shook your head since you didn’t feel like explaining. Luckily, Jude didn't feel like explaining either.

“Long story, we don't have time for it. But I'm sure we will meet again. Joey likes your lusus.” Jude pointed over, where Joey and Dammek had been released. Joey was hugging the lusus while it licked her head, and Dammek looked on in confusion. You knew, though. No lusus didn't love Joey. 

“Oh, jegus. How did that happen? Grim! Let's go!” The bronze blood apparently suddenly understood what Dammek had meant by ‘stole his lusus.’ Grim looked disgruntled about having to leave Joey, but he gave her a final lick and walked off, with Durand close behind. Joey waved goodbye, and Dammek was still confused. The four of you stood in silence for a minute, which was a bit weird but also kinda not you guess. You think that everyone had probably forgotten what you were all doing.

“Hey, Joey, wont Dirk and Roxy be worried about us?” You pointed back at the direction your group came from, and knocked Dammek out of his shock.

“Yeah, Joe. Should we go find them?” He said, and Joey nodded. 

“Oh, yeah. You guys are right. Sorry, for dragging you along.” Jude started walking back to the adults, and the rest of you quickly followed him. Joey was mildly embarrassed about her excitement over the lusus, but after a minute the embarrassment melted away back into excitement. She had enjoyed meeting new lusii and caring for them, and knowing they weren't completely taken out of her life probably was a very nice surprise. You wondered what this place was going to be like, not for the first time, as you all made your way back to Dirk and Roxy.

They had found a checkout lane that was empty, and the mass of stuff they had accumulated (there was a lot of food, specifically) was a lot more than you had expected. You are glad they have their syllabuses, but you questioned how much space they must have had to fit all that stuff. You wouldn't ask, though. You felt like it was a question they would shrug off. 

They prompted you to add your items to the pile, and you added the baseball supplies and the other things you had ended up collecting. You were amazed when Joey and Jude ended up dumping as much as they did, they surely had taken all that could fit in their inventory. Dammek added his stuff, only a few more items than you, and you determined that Dirk made a mistake taking you all in. How much did it all cost?!

The answer? You never got one. Roxy helped pay, and when the cashier offered a discount for ‘the founders’ they declined. You didn't understand why, you were sure the total was so high only a high blood could hope to pay it. (You took a peek at the receipt later, and surprisingly it was cheaper than you had expected. It still was VERY expensive, in the thousands.) 

Roxy and Dirk took the stuff, agreeing that they had more than enough space to carry it for you children. When they reached the car and asked if you all would like to get some food before going back to Dirks hive, you remembered that you didn't eat earlier, so you agreed. So you got lunch at a place you didn't remember the name of, some fast-food place, and you went back to the hive to put away the groceries before they went bad. 

Roxy was entrusted to setting up the furniture in your room, and also the table in the kitchen, and Dirk gave you all your individual items and put the clothes in the washer as Joey and Jude put the food away. You offered to help, but the humans either didn't hear you or ignored you. You're not sure. 

The only thing you're sure of at this point is pretty much just your name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, I have a tumblr! Go ahead and follow me there, I'll probably complain about writing! (I also might not be very active but shhhhh I'm trying to be active which is what counts) I'll also post art and shit thats probably vaugely homestuck related.  
> https://a-flower-lover.tumblr.com/


	4. Dammek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just my interpretation of dammek, so if you think I've gotten anything wrong about him I'd be glad to hear it and why but for this story this is how I will be writing him. 
> 
> also, I feel there are some parts of this chapter that are pretty weak so again if you have anything you'd like to suggest to help make it better it'd be greatly appreciated (though I might not immediately get to reading your comments, as I suck at keeping track, or implementing your suggestions)

You don't do introductions. It’s a bit of a hassle, trying to keep up with who knows you and who doesn't. If people don't know you by now, when will they?

That was what you thought before you got to this place, wherever it was, anyways.  
It was clear to you that adaptation was a must, if you were to survive in this new territory. You were no longer a Tetrarch of a rebellion, and instead an ordinary kid. Hopefully, there would be no need to resume your old title, though you would gladly welcome a chance to get your life back to normal.

Your morail broke up with you, you lost your rebellion, and now you were stuck helping the human woman Roxy cook something or other. She had never left after setting up your furniture, and insisted on making something she called “lasagna” for you all. You’d rather not eat alien food, but you supposed you must if you wanted to last long. You're miserable, in short.

The only thing you really want to do is figure out why Xefros would break up with you immediately after your reunion. The only way you could do that is by asking Joey, and you're 90% sure she's avoiding you, for whatever reason. With what Jude had said about her, you were reasonably curious to meet her, not that you ever believed you would. But now that you have met her, you haven’t been able to see the same person Jude described. But you expect that’s because she’s been avoiding you, not because his descriptions weren’t accurate.

You should stop that train of thought. That's not really what you should think about right now. You’ll get too wrapped up with it and then you’ll fuck something up. Or really, you’d apparently fuck something else up, because you’ve quite clearly done some sort of fucking up. You must have a talent for it.

“Hey Dam, go ahead an’ leave. I'm sure you’ll want to mess with all your new stuff, so just tell Xeffy to come help me clean up an’ it'll be good.” Roxy smiled, looking down at you with her bright pink eyes. Eugh. You quickly set down the spoon you used to mix the red stuff she put on the stiff yellow stuff in the sink and left. But not so quickly she’d notice how quickly you wanted to get out of there, you should never act uncool like that around others. 

It was just as you entered your communal room that you realized you had the perfect opportunity. Joey and Xefros were having a quiet conversation, sitting on the ground at the foot of Joey’s bed, and Jude was nowhere to be seen. Since Roxy was asking for Xefros’s assistance Joey would be left alone, and assuming no one interrupted you, you could safely pose your question to her with no one else ever learning about it. Unless she told them. But she didn’t seem like she would if you asked her not to. Maybe.

“Xefros, Roxy wanted you to go help her clean up the mess we made.” You said, and Xefros glanced up at you before turning back to Joey and getting up. He quickly walked past you, and you walked to your corner of the room to get out of his way. The door closed behind him, but Joey was already up to follow. Your perfect opportunity would be wasted if you didn't stop her. 

She walked out the door.

It's not like you have to know now, not really. You could wait to learn what caused Xefros to break up with you. You could just… Stare at Jude's featherbeast, yeah, that's not a giant leap from your previous train of thought, the creature would be, uh, a good opener for when you do eventually ask Joey! (You can imagine it now; “Hey, Joe. Your brothers featherbeast sure is strange. By the way, why did Xefros break up with me?” Perfect! Eugh.)

You still felt the heavy weight on your back, the weight as if someone was going to attack any minute. It was familiar, albeit unappreciated. You shouldn't feel that way. You're not on Alternia anymore. Joey wouldn't attack you. Neither would Dirk, or the pink (eugh) eyed Roxy. And you haven't met anyone else to be concerned about. You were already quite aware that Jude would only attack if threatened. 

The bird stared back at you, fluttering its wings as it moved to a closer perch.

You think you’ll just grab a book or something and go. Or maybe not. You're not sure. Maybe you could sleep? A nap wouldn't hurt. 

You climbed into your bed, which you had already marked with a carving of your sign, and covered yourself with the sheets. You were left in darkness, and though the sheets were supposedly filled with sopor, you were not feeling the effects of it just yet. You hoped that sleep would come if you just kept your eyes closed, but you would be wrong. Instead, as time passed, your phone started buzzing.

After a minute of ignoring it, you decided to just deal with whoever was messaging you. Maybe if you told them to fuck off, you'd be able to get some peaceful rest. You pulled out your phone, glaring at the brightness of the screen under the blankets. You were even more annoyed when you saw that the person messaging you had bright as fuck text.

DavepetaSprite^2  is pestering VentricularViscount  
DS: B33> *the cool as shit bird-cat-troll thing cr33ps into the chat, glancing around and tasting the air fur smells like, you know, how cats do. they s33m to be hunting for something, but what?*   
DS: B33> *suddenly, their head perks up, and then they turn to face what they were searching fur. surpurrise, it was you all along! they raise one of their paws in gr33ting*  
DS: B33> not even gonna humor me a little bit, huh? alright then, i’ll try again  
DS: B33> B33 hey! i hear youre one of the new kittens around?? ive been wanting to contact you since furever ago! i just figured out your chumhandle by pestering dirk for it, so i just wanted to ask how you are doing!  
DS: B33> yo!  
DS: B33> dude  
DS: B33> ignoring your messages is not gonna make me go away so you might as well answer me now   
VV: fuck off  
DS: B33> that's not very nice B((  
VV: well your text is very bright, and I dont want to talk to anyone at the moment, so its fair  
DS: B33> but you havent even talked to me yet???  
DS: B33> i can tell you with 100 purrcent certainty youll absolutely adore me. B33c  
DS: B33> or youll think im a cool cat, cause that works too B33  
VV: stop with the cat puns, please. youre making my eyes bleed even more than just with your text colors  
VV: why do you even need two colors the fuck is up with you  
VV: cant decide between the two? or did you feel that one horrible color wasnt enough to show off your annoyingness?  
DS: B33> dude dont be a fucking prick.   
DS: B33> i could come into your house right now  
DS: B33> and maul you  
DS: B33> and no one would care  
DS: B33> because youre a prick  
DS: B33> id be willing to test that theory out if you dont beleive me  
VV: what  
DS: B33> i use two colors because they're my colors. they also make me happy. maybe you should try it! might make you less of an ass.  
VV: .  
DS: B33> cat got your tongue? speak, dude. were chill, you just need to s33 that.  
VV: you just threatened to maul me  
DS: B33> no, i just told you i could do it.  
DS: B33> not a threat, a statement  
DS: B33> claw claw meowtherfucker B33c  
VV: tf  
DS: B33> its a nod to the original work for the audience at home  
VV: seriously what the fuck  
VV: who the fuck are you  
DS: B33> im davepetasprite^2  
DS: B33> but just call me davepeta, cause sprite^2 is a useless addition to my name  
VV: thats a weird as fuck name  
DS: B33> but its my name, so its pawsome  
VV: whatever you say, man  
DS: B33> so, you nevfur answered my question  
VV: what question  
DS: B33> how are you? being on a mew planet and all, i thought it would be good to ask B33  
VV: could i opt out of answering  
DS: B33> not really  
VV: thought so  
VV: well  
VV: not great  
VV: can you go now?  
DS: B33> nuh-uh! if youre feeling anything less than purrfect theres a problem!  
DS: B33> that's not a you specifically, that's a you generally.   
DS: B33> is it identity issues? i had identity issues once  
VV: its problems  
VV: not problems specifically but problems generally  
VV: id rather not talk about it with a complete stranger  
VV: or anyone, for that matter  
DS: B33> oh! ive got it! you n33d to talk to someone but youre too much of a coward to do so!  
VV: would you kill me if i told you to fuck off  
DS: B33> youre a kitten so ethically i shouldnt but youre also an ass so people would ch33r me on for your death  
DS: B33> its a dilemma. maybe  
VV: im not gonna test it  
DS: B33> good choice  
DS: B33> but im right, arent i?  
VV: unfurtunately yes  
VV: FUCK  
DS: B33> hahaha!   
DS: B33> i havent even used that many cat puns yet, you must be very susceptible to them B33  
DS: B33> but anyways, care to share your dilemma?  
VV: not really but youre not gonna let me go until i do so i guess i have to  
DS: B33>thats the spirit!  
VV: my morail broke up with me yesterday  
VV: i dont know why, so i want to ask joey  
VV: but im worried about what the answer might be so ive been avoiding it  
DS: B33> do you n33d an answer that bad?  
VV: not really. but i still want one  
DS: B33> well, then the only solutions to your problem would be to either ask joey your question, or accept that some things dont n33d answers  
DS: B33> but i doubt the latter will satisfy you. i sense that you are not the type to accept anything as the way it is  
DS: B33> you attempted to lead a rebellion on an alien planet, right?  
DS: B33> i wonder if that did something to your relationship… sure would put a strain on it at least  
VV: xef had supported me through the rebellion the entire way through  
DS: B33> but what did you do for him?  
DS: B33> and while youre pondering that, ill have to go  
VV: what why  
DS: B33> aww, are you gonna miss me?  
DS: B33> naw just messin i know youre just looking for answers i either cant or wont give  
VV: you were the one who messaged me in the first place if you were on time constraints why the fuck would you do that  
DS: B33> im a cat-bird person of many secrets, bud  
DS: B33> but the simple answer is that I wasnt on time constraints, I was just bored  
DS: B33> later!  
DavepetaSprite^2 has ceased pestering VentricularViscount

“What the fuck!” You shout, throwing your phone away in a bout of frustration. That Davepeta person is just so infuriating. You hope they never message you again. 

And it would be a case of them messaging you again, because as soon as they stopped messaging you their name disappeared from your conversation list, as if it had never happened. 

“Dammek? Why are you shouting?” The sheets covering you were pulled away, bringing in cold air and light and making you hiss. Jude just narrowed his eyes and tsked at you. “You're being overdramatic. It's time for dinner.” 

“Whatever.” You muttered, and you got up to follow him before pausing. “Hey, did you get a message from anyone called Davepeta?” Jude turned and looked at you strangely.

“Huh? No, why?” Jude asked. You shrugged, and pushed past him and out the door.

“I did. I just thought you’d be interested, because I have no idea who they are.” Jude thought for a moment, and followed.

“We could ask Dirk, or Roxy?”” He suggested. You frowned, but he was right. You'd have to ask the adults. Then again, do you really need to? Davepeta could be a mystery, couldn't they? Besides, you felt as if you'd get one of their answers of “we’ll explain later” they're so fond of.

“Knock yourself out, but I don't think we’ll get an answer that way.” You replied, after a minute of internal debate. The two of you walked in and sat at the table, where everyone else was already waiting.

“Nice of you to join us, Dam. What took you so long?” Roxy asked, smiling up at you after glancing away from Joey, who was saying something to her before you walked in. You sure were glad you had your glasses still. Otherwise, making eye contact would be a bitch. Currently, you could avoid her pink gaze and be a little baby about it.

“He was talking to someone. Whose Davepeta?” Jude spoke for you, and you would glare at him if Dirk wasn't already speaking.

“Davepeta? Oh, yeah. They were asking for your handles, but I don't remember giving them to them.” He said, shooting a glance at Roxy, who shook her head with a shrug. “They could be a bit… much, so I didn’t really want you guys meeting them until later.”

“Well, they said you gave them my handle.” You replied. Roxy took a big piece of the food she made, and put it on her plate as Dirk shook his head.

“But I dont- oh fuck.” Dirks eyebrows raised, then he groaned and slammed his head into the table. You decided to grab some food, seeing as everyone else (other than Dirk, seeing as he's currently having a meltdown for no reason) was serving themselves. Roxy stared at him in confusion, and then her eyes widened in supposed realization and she smiled the widest smile you'd ever seen on a person.

“HAL! He’s not gone! He must have backed up his software before we left!” She squealed, pulling out her phone quickly. It didn't even take a second before Dirk smacked her phone out of her hand, and she pouted. 

“Don't. Please, if you message him he won't ever leave me alone.” You never thought Dirk the type to beg, especially over talking to another person. Then again, you've only known him for two days. You also have zero clue who Hal is. Maybe he was even worse than Davepeta.

“Oh really?” Roxy scrunched up her nose. You’d eat your food, but you felt that Roxy and Dirk would probably be more entertaining in the long run.

“He’ll know I am aware he still exists, and you know him Rox, he won't leave me alone. At least now he's just messing with me indirectly. I can deal with that. Don't make me deal with him directly.” Roxy sighed and rolled her eyes, but she didn't make an attempt to retrieve her phone. 

“Fine. But I’m going to try to contact him sooner or later. He's my friend, even if you can't stand him, and I missed him.” Roxy began to eat her food, pointedly ignoring Dirk, and you decided that it was probably the key moment for questioning.

“Who the fuck is Hal?” You asked. Dirk shook his head as he plopped a large messy serving onto his plate.

“A mistake.” He muttered, but then Roxy cleared her throat. Dirk sighed. “An A.I. I made from a replica of my brain when I was thirteen. He was supposed to be my AutoResponder, but there were a lot of complications with that. He named himself Hal. And he’s determined to make my life a living hell. That’s really all I have to say, Roxy can tell you more or whatever. Goodnight.” Dirk took his plate, and exited the room. You didn't know much about human caretakers, but you're pretty sure they shouldn't act like a wiggler when faced with problems. You may act the same way on occasion, but your just a kid. You have an excuse. 

“Jude, Joey, would you guys do the dishes? I don't think they'll get done if we leave them for Dirk.” Roxy said with a sigh, pushing her plate away before getting up and rooting through the cabinets. Eventually, she brought out some plastic wrap, and she used it to cover both her plate and the pan. “I should head home, Janey will be getting home soon and she always bakes something. I don't wanna miss it!” She gave Jude and Joey a hug, took up her plate, and left without waiting for a response. She forgot her phone.

“Well… I guess it's no different than usual. At least now we have friends with us.” Joey said, glancing at Jude with a small smile. He shrugged with a slight frown, and she turned back to her food. 

“I guess asking who Hal was was a mistake.” You grumble. Now the dinner was really fucking sad. 

“Maybe…” Joey pulled out her phone, staring at its screen for a second before placing it besides her plate. “I guess we should keep an eye out for unknown handles, if someone's going to be giving them to whoever asks…” Joey shakes her head, as if forgetting that train of thought. 

“We should play our new games after the dishes are done.” She glares at the sink. “Ugh. I don't want to wash them, but I guess we have to.” 

“Focus on eating the stuff on the plate first. I worked hard helping make it.” You say, and Joey rolls her eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah. It doesn't hurt planning ahead.” She said, before actually eating. Honestly, planning what things you were all going to do was really the only conversation you guys seemed to have. Not much to talk about, you guess.

“What game should we play?” Xefros asked, speaking for the first time since dinner started. You think it might be because the adults had left, but you don't really think it matters. 

“How about the Pokemon games we got?” Jude suggests. 

“Sounds good to me.” Joey said, and the conversation lulled. You assumed this was fine, because Joey and Jude didn't take the time to start it up again. Instead, you all ate your food in silence, and then one by one you all put your plates in the sink and left to retrieve your Pokemon game stuff. 

You learned that Pokemon was pretty easy once you got the matchups down. Jude still beat you when you eventually challenged him, but it wasn't like you were really trying. You'd just have to do better next time.

 

One by one, everyone went to bed.

You didn't, of course, because you were too busy to sleep, and you liked sitting alone in the dark living room. You had to level up all your Pokemon, and you couldn't do that while your sleeping. It's absolutely necessary that you level up high enough to beat Jude with sheer power if you couldn't do it through skill.

That's a lie. You just couldn't sleep, and Pokemon is a good task to focus on. Repetitive, a pattern which you don’t really pay attention to, perfect for spending a lot of time to ultimately achieve nothing. The hope was that it would bore you into sleep. You wished the exhaustion from the previous day would kick in and allow you to pass the night without struggle, but it didn't look like that was going to happen anytime soon. Your phone buzzes. You reply.

DavepetaSprite^2 is pestering  VentricularViscount

DS: B33> heyyyyy  
VV: youre back  
VV: wonderful  
DS:B33> you missed me B33c  
DS: B33> but anyways i was just stopping by to s33 if you had talked to joey yet  
VV: im trying to sleep  
DS: B33> dont lie to me. we both know youre not anywhere close to sleeping

You saved your game and turned off your device.

VV: you have no evidence  
DS :B33> i think your denial is evidence enough but whatevfur you say bud  
DS: B33> but anyways, heres the deal  
DS: B33> you said that you have to ask joey about why your ex broke up with you but your too much of a coward to do so?  
VV: i never said that i was a coward  
VV: but yes I do need to talk to joey  
DS: B33> well heres an opportunity for you!  
VV: what  
DS: B33> put down your phone and pretend to ignore me  
DS: B33> pick up a book or something too, pretend like you're reading  
VV: why?  
DS: B33> just do it

Though you didn't understand, you complied. You set down your phone and reopened your game, starting to level up your Pokemon once more. It wasn't hard to ignore your phones buzzing; it was what you had wanted to do anyways. (The thought of Davepetas threat compelled you to reply, but you feel that now ignoring them would be fine.)

“Dammek?” You didn't glance up from your device, even when you realized who was speaking to you. “I think your new friend is messaging me? Davepeta? They say your ignoring them.” Ah. So that was why Davepeta was so strange just then. 

“That would be a thing that I am doing. I guess I should answer them, if they're bothering you too now.” You closed your game and picked your phone back up.

DS: B33> don't back out of it now. ask your question  
VV: yeah yeah  
VV: fuck you   
DS: B33> B33c cowaaaaard  


You groaned, and tossed your phone back down onto the couch. Joey stood at the hallways entrance, flashlight pointed just ahead of her feet and phone in her other hand. She was going to leave if you didn't stop her now. She started to walk back to her room.

You're not a coward.

“Hey, Joe? Could I ask you something?” You tried to keep your tone clear of your nerves. Which didn't exist, by the way, you were completely confident in you ability to ask a dumb fucking question. Joey stopped, and after a wary glance back at you she turned and joined you, sitting on the opposite side of the couch.

“Sure, what is it?” She angled her flashlight so she could see your face without blinding you. Humans and their inability to see in the dark. Amazing. 

“You were with Xefros on Alternia, you would probably have an answer, right? Anyways, I was wondering… No never mind. No… I said I would ask…” You floundered for the best way to ask for a minute, and smacked your forehead. “I was wondering if you knew why Xefros broke up with me…” You eventually got out, head in your hands. You're so stupid why'd you do that why'd you even ask you could have just never known and that would have been fine but noooo you had to ask. Fuck you, self. You're so stupid, it’s physically painful. 

“Because you were absolutely horrible to him, maybe. I don't know, because I’m not him, but that's my guess.” Joey answered in a way that made you feel as if she had been looking forward to telling you this. You raised your head.

“What do you mean? What did I do?” You asked, hoping for clarification. Joeys eyes narrowed.

“You really are clueless, aren't you?” Joey muttered, not expecting an answer. “You were a jerk. Worse than a jerk. You may have done the occasional nice thing but you weren’t nice. You may have cared about him, but you didn't treat him like you did. You took his stuff, and claimed it as your own. You let him turn to self deprecation, and you let him believe it didn't matter if he died. And the worst part is, that Xefros didn’t even question it! I had to point out to him all the horrible things you've done.” Joey glared at you, but it was more accusing than angry. You stared back at her, dumbfounded. Were you really that bad? Was this why she avoided you?

“I could go on, but the point is that you weren't even a decent friend. And I'm not even sure if Xefros has told me the worst of it.” She let her gaze drop to her flashlight. “But I don't know why he broke up with you.” She finished. The two of you sat in silence for a minute, but you had even more questions than before. And these couldn't wait for answers.

“What all did I do, specifically?” You ask. “Could you tell me? I want to know.” 

“It’ll take a while.”

“I don't care. I want to hear it.”

 

It was strange, being told everything you've ever done wrong. And, well, it wasn't everything, but it was the most important stuff. Joey told you with no gentle words, and held nothing back. And she was right. You were horrible. You are horrible. You took stuff, whether consciously or not, you didn’t think of his limits when you “trained” him for the rebellion. Could it even be called training? It may have seemed worth it at the time, or maybe you never really thought about it before. 

It helped, hearing an outsider's perspective on your actions. You've never even thought about it before. But hearing it from Joey and why it was so horrible was a real eye opener.

As she went on, you added onto the list with your own memories. There were a ton. Even if you went by Alternian standards, (for most things) you would count your actions as fucked up. And you never noticed before. Wow. You're a total piece of shit. 

Eventually she grew too tired to continue picking at your every action, and she went back to bed. You didn’t, but that was because you needed to think about it some more. And also because Davepeta was messaging you, though you think if you told them that you were going to sleep they would leave you alone. Except they seemed like they would call your bluff too, so really you had no reason not to talk to them. So, you did, until they eventually got bored and ran off. They deleted themselves off of your conversations again, too. 

You don't really remember what it was about. Maybe you told them what Joey said about you, or maybe you just talked bullshit for a while. Either way, it made you tired. Tired enough that you ended up passing out on the couch, which you didn't know you did until after Jude woke you up.

You know, it was strange. You normally never dreamt, or else it was horrible terrifying nightmares when you did, but you remember dreaming of some golden place. And it was a bright place, too. Almost couldn't see anything. Even if you looked out the window. That's all you remembered, really.

You decided not to tell Jude your dream, or anyone else for that matter, because it was boring. Even if it was strange, it didn't deserve sharing. (You think you catch glimpses of the gold as you leave the room, but you think you might just be going crazy. Par for the course, really.)

“Hey, Dammek. Good morning.” Joey said when you walked into the kitchen. You gave a nonchalant wave as you rooted through the cabinets for something to eat. You noticed Xefros wasn't there, but then again Jude was probably just getting him up. “The cereal is on the top shelf. I was planning on making an omelette or something, if you want one I’d be glad to make another.” Joey said, and it was then you noticed the pan and the carton of eggs next to her. She also had some yellow shredded stuff and some ham.

“What's an omelette?” You asked, closing the cabinet to instead investigate what Joey was doing. She held a spatula and had a pale yellow patty in the pan. She put some ham and some of the the yellow stuff in it and folded it over.

“Eggs with other foods in it. A breakfast I made when my babysitter was too out of it to even order food.” She waited for a minute, and then flipped the now folded patty over again.

“You can cook?” You asked, reaching to poke at the thing before she smacked your hand away. The spatula hurt, surprisingly.

“Only eggs. And not even that well. I tend to burn them, or undercook them. I can also brown stew meat, but that's not really much.” She grabbed a plate from a stack beside her and halved the omelette, throwing one half onto the plate. She grabbed another plate and put the second half on that one as well. “See? I even burned this a bit.” The eggs were slightly brown. It didn't look burnt to you, but what do you know.

“I’ll try it.” You said, just as Xefros and Jude walked in and sat at the table. Joey hummed and cracked some more eggs into a bowl, and she took a fork and mixed them up. She also took a few bottles and shook some seasoning into the mixture, before putting it in the pan. 

“Carry those plates to the table, one is for Jude. Tell Xefros he can have the other if he wants it, since I'm making another I'll just take a half from this one.” You nodded, and took the plates as she asked. Jude ate his gladly, and shouted a thanks as loud as he could for Joey. You’re decently sure she heard him. Xefros took his omelette less enthusiastically, but he took a bite and decided it was good after some encouragement from Jude. Jude ended up shouting Xefros’s thanks as well. 

When Joey was done with the second omelette, you heard the sound of some tool come from the place you recognized as Dirks workshop. He was, obviously, working on something. Joey, having just sat at the table, stood up and rushed to the stove again. You guessed she was making something for your guardian to eat. Sounded like something she’d do. 

Soon she was rushing out of the room, taking a plate and a fork with her. Good luck to her, you guess. Dirk didn't seem like he would open the door while he was working, but soon the noises stopped and Joey returned with a cheerful smile on her face. She ate her omelette with pride and maple syrup.

“So, what should we do today? Dirk is probably going to work all day, so we can't ask him to take us anywhere.” Jude asked, and Joey pondered the question.

“Well, he can't take us anywhere, but we can wander around a bit.” She shrugged. “And if we get lost, we can message someone to come find us.” Everyone considered this idea.

“Wouldn't Dirk get mad if he learned we left without telling him?” Xefros asked, and Jude nodded in agreement. “I mean, it sounds fine and I would like getting to know this place, but I'd rather not make an adult angry.”

“You're right. We should leave a note, since I already interrupted him and I doubt he’d like it if we did it again,” Joey got up and retrieved a pen and a piece of paper. She scribbled down something quickly, and showed you all the note. “Hey Dirk, we went out for a walk. We’ll be back in about an hour, but we’ll message you if anything changes,” it read. Everyone agreed that it was sufficient, and after finishing your breakfast and gathering your weapons, you left.

The neighborhood was very linear, if you went out the front door, so you guys went out the back. Your tree saplings and garden stuff were still unplanted, but after a bit of communing your group agreed to work on it once you got back. Fun, you guess. You exited the backyard, and found yourselves in a back alley. Fun! You went left, and followed the alley to the main road where vehicles were passing by almost every second. There was a lot of traffic. 

You followed along the road, on the right side from exiting the alley, and kept walking until the four of you came upon an intersection. If you went right, there were more houses. Left, and it seemed to lead to a warehouse, and if you just went straight you would find a few medical buildings. Joey went left, which led you all to cross the street. Cars honked at you all angrily.

The warehouse was just that; a warehouse. The door was open, just slightly, and when you went inside, it was empty. You didn't understand why, but you felt like you shouldn't be there. Wait! No, that's a lie, you know why you felt that way. Its because you didn't belong there! Not that you cared if you were trespassing or not, but Jude and Xefros seemed to be pretty visibly uncomfortable with it. But Joey had led you all in, and she was pretty much the most responsible one of your group. Something seemed odd, though.

“But…? I saw something come in here…” She said, glancing around confusedly. Whatever she had seen, she seemed pretty bummed to have lost it. You looked around yourself, and spotted a little white blur jumping across the beams above your heads. You pointed up at it, and Joey glanced up just as it disappeared in a green flash. “What? Did you see it? Did I miss it?” She sighed when she didn’t find anything once again.

“Yeah, but I bet we could find a way up to look for any clues to where its gone.” You responded. Jude and Xefros didn't see the white blur, but they helped look for a ladder anyhow. Joey kept an eye on the rafters, and you walked outside to find a way up out there. The division of tasks was your idea, but really they would have done that stuff anyways if you hadn’t said anything. It makes you feel better, more in control, though, so you’ll opt to ignore that fact.

Investigating outside was probably the worst task you could have chosen. The warehouse was obviously unowned. Nothing in it, and surrounded by long grass and bramble bushes, how could it not be? But, there lied the problem. If you couldn't get close without tearing yourself up, then how could you investigate? Easy. You get torn up.

Your pain was more than worth it, as you found a broken real estate sign and a stick. But that was the initial go around. When you walked around a second time, your hoodie was not only shredded, but you found a drainage pipe.

A sturdy drainage pipe, that held your weight, and was conveniently located next to a window. 

It's like a badly written story where the characters end up able to do things because the author chose to add details to a vaguely described place for convenience's sake, but you're the character! You weren't going to go back to tell the others, no way were you going to go through the brambles another time. Instead, you started the climb.

You should have gone back.

You were halfway up when you realized, oh shit, this is really high up and my upper body strength is little to none, and that if you fell it would be very, very painful. Luckily, fear makes you climb faster. Not that you were afraid.

You reached the window, and you attempted to open it with one hand before giving up and just kicking it in. Hey, who cares about property damage? You're pretty sure no one was going to attempt to sell it anyways. Too run down and shitty. The window was now shattered, and you could make your way inside. Of course, this led to more scratches, but at that point you just wanted it done and over with.

“Dammek?! Why'd you kick the window?! We're gonna get in trouble!” Jude shouted up at you, and you rolled your eyes. Of course he would shout at you just as you've found a way up, it was just like him. The others below watched you as you crossed to where the white blur previously was, occasionally shouting helpful things like “be careful,” “watch out,” and “If you die I'm going to take your gun.” So encouraging, these people.

When you reached the spot, you’re disappointed to find nothing. No trace of the thing whatsoever, and no sign of what caused that bright green flash. It was as if it didn't exist. You relayed this information to the people below, and sat on the beams as you watched them talk amongst themselves. There was a pretty good view of the whole room. There was a rusty shovel near the door, a bit of mostly-washed-off graffiti, and you could see an odd spirograph pattern on the ground. To be honest, it was actually quite relaxing up there, now that you were past the curiosity and fear. Time passed, and it was getting around the time to go home, but you ran into some complications.

They didn't know how to get you down. 

You didn't want to go down the way you came up, so you guys all just sat and waited for a while, thinking to yourselves. Thinking of ways to get your stupid ass down without you dying or breaking a few hundred bones. Eventually, Joey pulled out her phone and put on some music. The metal walls reflected the sound, and the place filled with some pretty piano music that in all honesty wasn't half bad. Not as good as the Grubbles music, though.

“Hey, Dammek, how is it up there?” Jude called up after a while.

“It’s whatever. I'm bleeding a bit.” You responded.

“Okay. That's good.” He went silent once more. Asshole.

You were considering just jumping down when Joey’s phone suddenly went off. 

“Its Dirk!” She shouted, and you instantly perked up as the others cheered. As you had learned yesterday, the dude could fly. He could probably get you down. “I'm going to tell him where we are, and that Dammeks stuck.”

“Tell him to bring bandages, cause Dammeks also bleeding.” You barely heard Jude, and you didn't hear Joeys response, but you assumed you'd be getting bandages either way.  
Dirk arrived really quickly, and though his face betrayed no emotion, you felt as though he was worried. You didn't hear his conversation with Joey, but you watched her point up at you. He looked up, and with a dramatic slump of his shoulders he flied to your aid. As you’d expected.

“Why.” He asked, when you were all together and on the ground again. He didn't specify. Why what? Why did you climb up there? Why did you leave the house? Why were you on this planet? The question could apply to anything, truly. The last one specifically you would like an answer to. Jude replied anyways.

“Joey and Dammek saw something, so we followed it.” Dirk, with his glasses on, didn't seem to find the answer good enough. You were pretty sure he was pretty mad at you guys.

“You know, it would have been nice if you actually let me know where you guys went? Or, maybe, you guys asked to go in the first place? Instead of leaving some vague as fuck note!” He said sternly. His usual tone of disinterest and apathy had disappeared for a moment, but he didn’t raise his voice. Somehow, that was even more alarming, but anyways, you were right. He was pissed. Jude and Xefros winced, but Joey just raised her hand. 

“I was the one who decided to leave a note. I knew you were busy, and I had already interrupted your work to give you some food, so I didn't want to bother you. We were just going to walk around, we weren't expecting Dammek to get stuck, or anything like that. I'm sorry.” She said, pressing her hand to her heart and staring Dirk down. It wasn't angry, or daring. More an honest gaze, accepting of whatever punishment he might give. Gog, she was cool.

Dirk sighed and rubbed his face, as if accepting that the kids he had to take care of were dumb fucks. He shook his head and lowered his hand, instead placing it on Joeys shoulder.

“It’s, it’s fine. Just… Tell me next time, even if I'm busy. And call up one of us to go with you, so I know your safe. I would hate for you guys to get hurt on my watch.” He said. You felt like he gave up on his anger rather quickly. Honestly, he had a right to be mad. You felt as if the other kids were thinking the same thing. 

“We won't do this again, I promise.” Joey said, and you all agreed quickly. Definitely was a bad idea to explore. You guys sure were idiots when you first woke up. “Let's go home. We need to get to gardening.” 

Dirk led you all home, or to more aptly put it, he herded you all home. Not a single one of you were allowed to leave his sight, a little annoying but you guys deserved that. When you had first went out, it had been around nineish. Obviously it was close to noon at this point, based on where the sun was, and that meant that you had spent almost three hours in that warehouse. No wonder Dirk was so worried. Then again, he hadn't noticed you had been gone all that long ago. Was he really prepared to handle four rowdy kids? (The answer was no, you knew, based on how everyone reacted when said four rowdy children chose to stay with Dirk instead of any other arguably more competent adult.)

When you got home, Dirk didn't go back to working on his project immediately. It took Joey promising to not let anyone leave and helping him work out a proper punishment (he confiscated your phones in the end) to get him to leave you all alone in the yard gardening. Honestly you wouldn't have minded his help, but you trusted that Joey knew what she was doing. Partially because you had no choice, but also because you knew (by how highly Jude had spoken of her and by what you've witnessed so far) that Joey was smarter than probably even you. Thinking of last night's conversation, you remember that she is smarter than you. Gog, it’s so horrible admitting that.

Gardening was a fun easy task, in your opinion. Digging the hole, putting the seeds in, and covering it up was slow going but a repetitive task you actually enjoyed, surprisingly. Jude and Xefros handled the trees, and you and Joey were left to the task of planting the flowers Roxy forced you to get. You were almost finished when she spoke.

“Hey, tomorrow, I want to go investigate the warehouse again. I won't ask you guys to come with me, but could you keep Dirk from finding out I’m gone?” She asked quietly, not facing you as she counted out the last few seeds she had. You nodded slightly, though you were questioning why she would do that. First she took all the blame, then accepted the punishment, and now she was planning on doing the thing that got her in trouble in the first place again? You might have to take back what you said about Joey being smart. “I know what you're thinking. ‘Why would you do that, Joey?’ Well, the answer is, I don't know. I just feel like that white creature was important. I have to find it again. And… I feel like I should do it alone, I guess.” 

You didn't understand. Then again, you never would have been able to. Best you could do was trust that Joey knew what she was doing. Trust. Ugh. A difficult thing, but you were pretty sure that Joey would do what she wanted with or without your help. She was putting her trust in you, which after last nights verbal beating she gave you didn't understand why, so you just had to roll with it. 

You finished planting your flowers and grabbed the watering can Joey had already filled. After she finished her section, you watered the ground. It was about time for lunch, you think.

 

“What's gonna be for dinner? None of us can cook, and I bet Dirk won't come out for ages,” The rest of the day passed without event, each of you just lazily turning to mess with some of your new things, when Jude posed this question. It was fair, you think.

“Actually, I believe I could figure out something,” Xefros responded, and each of you turned to him with curious gazes. This obviously made him uncomfortable. “U-um, by that I mean that, uh, that I knew how to cook on Alternia. If I could figure out which ingredients to use, I think I could probably make something edible.” He added. Joey smiled at him.

“Really? I could help, then! I don't know much about cooking, but I know Earth ingredients!” She said.

“Oh wow, really?” He asked, and she nodded in response. Soon the two of them walked off to the kitchen, chatting about Alternian recipes and what their Earth equivalents might be. You and Jude stayed in the living room, him reading a book and you furiously battling other Pokemon to get your brand new shiny evee to level up. Jude was going to be so jealous when you battled him next.

You had just leveled it up a bit more when it started to evolve. You sat up, excited to see what it would evolve into. You didn't know what it would look like, but Jude had told you that it had seven different evolutions depending on the type. You hoped you would get a cool one. You watched, entranced, as the glowing stopped and revealed…

A blue cat thing with ribbons. 

You tried not to be disappointed. With what you knew about fairy types they were actually pretty strong, even if a little cutesy. But with all that Jude's told you about the creature that is evee, you couldn't help it.

You saved your game and closed it, done with it for the day. You wondered if during your next battle Jude would make fun of you for your new Sylveon. Then suddenly Joey poked her head out of the kitchen and called for you and Jude, saying that dinner was almost done. You wondered what they made. Joey ran out to get Dirk and left Xefros dishing up the food he made. 

He started simple, to get used to Earth cuisine. Joey had found a cookbook, you guessed Roxy had gotten one just in case, and the meal they had chosen was a Roast. It was easy enough. Just take the meat and season it before putting it in the oven. Of course, the steps seemed more complicated than that in the book, but if you were honest stuff can sometimes look more complicated than they are. 

There was also a salad. Nothing much to say about that. It was, simply, a salad. Xefros said Joey made the salad. 

Joey returned without Dirk. He hadn’t answered when she knocked on his door, but she insisted that a plate be prepared for him anyways. “Just in case,” she said. Dinner was quiet, save for Jude occasionally trying to spark up some sort of debate. Dirk never showed, even after the leftovers were put up and the dishes (cleaned by you and Jude) were done. You guess he either was really mad or he just couldn't bring himself to care about dinner. Joey put his food in its own special bag.

The evening passed slowly, and when it was finally time to go to sleep none of you hesitated in preparing for bed. Even you were tired at that point. Your phones were somehow on your beds when you walked in. 

Sleep came fast, and you dreamed of gold and blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the hardest part about writing davepeta is coming up with cat puns
> 
>  
> 
> oh yeah! thank you all for 100 (120, really) kudos! i know its like, a kind-of superficial statistic, but it makes me happy to know people liked what ive written ^u^


	5. Joey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids play capture the flag, and on a lesser note Joey sneaks out and meets more people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is as good as its getting, I'm sorry lol  
> if I keep it in the docs for any longer I'll just feel bad
> 
> Also btw happy holidays! I hope you had a good (or at least decent) year, and the next one is wonderful for you!

You woke up prepared for the day. Well, mostly prepared. You weren’t prepared for a giant wall of red text just as you snuck out, but that's a thing to get back to.

When you woke up, you had immediately checked the time. When you saw it was six, as it always tended to be, you immediately started to get ready for the day. You put on your orange outfit, seeing as rewearing your normal outfit for the third day in a row would have probably been a bad idea. 

When you were ready to go out into the world, you walked out of your room and into the living room. You had left your game stuff in there, and you think playing a bit would be fun. But the room was a mess, and your game stuff is nowhere to be seen. You spent a while looking for it, but you give up quickly. 

After that, you went outside and checked the garden. You'd have to call Roxy over some time, she said she had a way for the trees to grow. Jude would like to have a treehouse again. You watered the plants, just a small bit, and then went back inside. Check the time, 6:51, move on to the next thing to waste the time.

You ended up reading for a while, then when you got bored with that you went and danced for a bit, then you got bored with that and started reading again, and eventually you just stared at the ceiling and counted each time you blinked. You hated having time like this; the school year was supposed to be now, and so your internal clock is set on waking you up early. You’ll need to think up a solution to this problem, but so far you have none. 

Eventually it was close enough to nine, so you no longer felt bad waking up Jude. After he was awake, you finally remembered breakfast. You poured yourself a bowl of cereal and left the box out for Jude. He went and woke up the trolls, and soon you all were sitting and eating your cereal together. 

“What are we going to do today?” Jude asked in a way which clearly showed you he hated that every day so far started with that question. Honestly, you did too.

“Whatever we want, I guess.” Dammek responded with a shrug. “I don't think we have anything to do. Dirks always in his workshop, too, so he can't tell us not to do something.” Except not leave the house, but really who cared at that point. 

“I guess we could play capture the flag? With more than two people it should be fun.” You remembered what happened the last time you played capture the flag with Jude. You're suddenly glad that you were going to go out today.

Oh, yeah. You were going to go out today, weren't you? Honestly, you felt pretty bad blatantly disobeying Dirk immediately after he got so worried. But yesterdays excursion was fun, and you couldn't help but feel like that white creature was important. Not like, important for you, but important in general. If you could just identify what it was, maybe you could learn about it. Also, Dirk wasn't going to pay much attention to you guys. Not enough to notice that one was missing. You would ordinarily be a bit upset by something like this, but it was you who forced yourselves into his home. You shouldn't expect more than what you're getting so far. (A part of you felt upset anyways.)

“A quick round, sure.” You ended up saying. You should probably wait before you go, anyways. It was too early and you’re sure that it would be super suspicious if you left now. 

A quick round usually ended up being a few hours, and you're sure that with the addition of two more players it would take longer. Especially with the special Harley-Claire brand capture the flag, which basically meant Jude's modified dart guns were viable even though they were dangerous to a degree most would be uncomfortable with. You hoped that Dirk wouldn't get mad if you accidentally destroyed a wall or something. 

You explained the rules to your friends, and as the most experienced players you and Jude picked out your flags. You chose your hat, and Jude chose the book he had been reading the other day. He had apparently already finished it, though that wasn't surprising to you. He was a fast reader. 

You picked Xefros for your teammate, and chose the Eastern side of the house to start out in. You ransacked your bed for pillows and blankets and asked Xefros to grab his pillows, and you ran to your starting room. And by room, you meant hall, because if you went to the most Eastern room that would have been Dirks workshop place and you didn't want to mess him up by dragging him into your game. 

You and Xefros built a pillow fort quickly, and you hid the “flag” under a pillow. It was allowed, in case someone was all like “hey Joey that's cheating,” you and Jude had worked it out ages ago; Jude had stronger offensive weapons, so you got to hide your flags. It was fair. Also, you almost always lost anyways so really it didn't matter. But that was a bit of a side tangent, you didn't know why you thought of it, and you called over to Jude that you guys were ready, and he replied that they were ready too. 

You didn't leave your base initially, the debate of whether or not it would be worth it was very one sided seeing as your brain wanted to stay behind the pillows like a coward. You left anyways, because waiting for your inevitable doom patiently wasn't really something you were fond of doing. 

Xefros followed you, holding his cuebat in front of himself as if he could block Jude's darts that way. You didn’t feel like telling him it would be a futile attempt, you didn't want to upset him or anything, since you had dragged him into the game in the first place. You hoped that Jude would have somehow decided to ditch his darts for pilllows this time around, but sadly your opponents were gun aficionados. Ugh. You really didn't like guns anyways, but Jude’s dart guns were the worst. 

It was dead silent in the hall, and the cover was next to none. You paused for a moment, listening for something to tell you that you weren't safe. And then, quietly, the creaking of the floor. 

The carpet did little to muffle it, and you knew that it was more like the sound of a sneaky brother sneaking than the wood settling. You fell back, waving for Xefros to retreat, and you took out a single pillow you had kept for defense. You heard more than saw him quickly abscond down the hallway, as your eyes were more focused on the end of the hall a few feet ahead. Your brother was most definitely there, and you most assuredly would be hit with a few of his darts. But for now, it was quiet. 

Suddenly, Jude jumped into the hallway, starting his barrage of really fast projectiles. You used your ballet skills to twirl out of the way of the first few bullets, though you did get hit in the right arm. You put it behind your back, as Jude’s rules said you should do, and with your other arm you tossed the pillow at him. You were not the best aim at the best of times, but he was only a few feet away. The pillow hit him square in the face, as you had hoped it would. He fell, and you went to retrieve your pillow when you heard a dart gun being cocked. You straightened up, and turn to face your new attacker.

Dammek stared you down, with the most serious face you had ever seen on a person playing capture the flag. You raised the pillow, but then you drop it after he adjusted his grip on the gun. He already had you, you knew it. Also, you were kind of feeling being really dramatic at that moment. But, who wouldn’t if they were being held at dart-point in a game of capture the flag?

“Sorry, Jude told me headshots only. He also said this thing hurt a ton.” Dammek shrugged, but his aim remained steady. You simply nodded, no point in replying when you were already dead. You turned, because you were not taking a dart to the face without proper protection, and he shot you in the back of the head. You slumped down dramatically, sliding down the wall and falling onto your side. You even held your breath for a minute to hold the illusion. It was more fun for you that way. You glanced down the hall, where Xefros should have been. You saw no sign of him around the pillow fort. Where was he? 

Dammek walked past you, and you and Jude both got up to spectate. Your brother taped some sheets of paper reading “DEAD” onto your shirts, so you guys wouldn't get hit again. You doubted that would stop Dammek, if he really wanted to.

“Nice shot with the pillow, also great dodging. I was sure I had you there.” Jude said with a smile. You smiled in return, with the tiniest hint of smugness.

“I knew you were there, I was prepared. You need to be more quiet when you're sneaking.” You poked his shoulder, and then you both go quiet again. Dammek had found your flag, and now all he had to do was return to his base. Where was Xefros? He didn't get shot, right? He shouldn’t have, he had retreated when you told him to and you hadn’t heard Dammek shoot his dart gun a second time.

Dammek started the walk back to his base, his dart gun slung over his shoulder. He seemed confident that he wouldn't face any problems on the way back. You watched the fort though, and was surprised to find that there were a few shelves on one of the walls. You hadn't noticed that before, but Xefros apparently had. You had almost forgotten he was an adept climber.

Xefros jumped down quietly, landing with almost no sound, and he held a baseball in one hand and the cuebat in the other. At his distance, it would be an impossible shot. He tossed the ball in the air, once, twice, and on the third try he tossed it higher and swung.

The crack of the ball was loud and you watched as it went, far, far and watched it hit Dammek right in the back of his head, knocking him over in a way that told you it wasn't just theatrics like you and Jude. It was like something out of a cartoon, except in real life and it kind of worried you a tiny bit. 

“Shit.” He mumbled, face down on the ground, still holding your hat. You directed Jude to go get an ice pack, and told Xefros to go get Jude’s flag. He hesitated for a moment, before going. Then you walked over to Dammek and helped him up. You knew trolls were pretty sturdy, which was why you weren't too concerned, but you would give him at least some medical attention. And you knew that getting hit in the head with a baseball hurt. The kids at your (old) school had given you plenty of experience with it. Xefros came back with their flag quick enough, and stopped to check on Dammek before taking it back to the base.

“A-Are you okay, Dammek?” he asked, fidgeting slightly. Dammek nodded, and tossed your hat back to Xefros. Xefros flinched until he realized it was just your hat, and he quickly scooped it up. You saw Dammek frown slightly.

“Yeah, fine. Good shot, Xef.” Xefros gave a perplexed look for a second before running back off to your base. Jude tossed the ice pack to you from the kitchen and went back in to grab something else. You handed the pack over to Dammek, who put it on the back of his head with no complaints. “Can we play again? That was pretty fun.” He asked.

“If the others agree, sure.. We’re gonna take a break before we play again, though.” You responded. Jude came out, holding two apples, a knife, and four bottles of water in his arms. He dumped them onto the coffee table, took a bottle, and drank a few large gulps before setting it back down. Xefros joined you all again, though he sat a bit farther from Dammek than usual. Did he think Dammek was mad at him or something? Well, you wouldn’t blame him. If it had been you, you would have assumed whoever you had hit was mad too.

“I call Xefros for my team this round!” Jude shoutd, and Xefros winced. You poked your brothers cheek, earning a startled “Ow!” in return, and shook your head. 

“Hey, let them chose. We chose first round, they choose second round. Its fair! And, we don’t know if he even wants to play again.” Jude seemed to consider this, and shrugged.

“Sure. Third round the last possible team matchup?” He said, obviously ignoring the last sentence. He was, on occasion, an irritating human being.

“How about you guys?” You directed the question back to the trolls. Dammek set down his ice pack and took a drink of his water. 

“Could I team with Joe this round, Xef?” He asked, and Xefros again responded with a confused gaze. Of course he would, this is Dammek actually asking for permission to do something. It didn’t seem a thing he would do often.

“Uh, sure. That means I’m on Jude's team then, like he wanted, right? Yeah, that's fine.” He responded, and Jude celebrated with a silent air-punch of victory. You cut up an apple and handed him a few slices, which he gladly ate.

“Thanks, Joey. Anyways, which side are you going to take?” You cut up the other apple and took a bite out of a slice. You decided to let Dammek decide.

“Eastern side. And we’ll just keep the same flags, right?” Jude nodded, and then stood up. 

“Retrieve your ammo, Dammek. If you're not quick enough, I’ll steal it all.” Jude hopped away quickly, and Dammek rose up to chase after him, grumbling something about how he only took one shot and that Jude was the one who used up all of his ammo. You passed Xefros some apple slices.

“Warning about Jude: he will shoot anything that moves. Trust me, one time we were strifing against Roxy and…” You trailed off, before continuing. “We were strifing against our babysitter, a team battle, and he shot me a ton because he confused me for her.” Xefros didn't comment on your verbal backtrack, and instead laughed.

“That sounds like a fun time.” He smiled, and you laugh as well.

“It was.” You took another slice of apple and shoved it into your mouth before standing with a stretch, as your brother and Dammek had returned. “You guys ready for round two?” You asked, and Jude replied with enthusiasm and Dammek gave a small nod.

“Xefros and I will beat you, Joey!” Jude shouted, before running to his base. Xefros followed after him after a quiet ‘good luck’, and you returned to your base. Rebuilding it and hiding the hat in an even better place was the task, and you and Dammek did so quickly. You took the DEAD sign off and stored it in your sylladex, hoping that it wouldn't be out again too soon. You heard Jude call over that he was ready, and you replied with a confirmation of readiness of your own. 

This time, you immediately left your base, moving into the living room quickly. You went left, and Dammek went right, so that you were hidden but he had a clear sight of where Jude and Xefros would be exiting. He was at a good strategist, but you were sure he would get hit immediately. You felt that was probably partially the point.

You creeped silently towards the path to Jude’s base, hoping that Dammek would draw their attention so you could slip past. You spotted Jude, on his own, walk through the doorway. If Dammek shot now, and shot accurately, Jude would be down. Jude wasn't even paying attention, and his gun was slung across his shoulder. That was very unlike him.

You didn't hear Dammek shoot; he must've noticed something was off, too. You watched your brother, without moving, as he grabbed his gun once again. With a silent hand motion, he directed Xefros to follow. Ah. You believe this is a new strategy of his. Xefros came out, holding his cuebat, and you saw him put a baseball back in his sylladex. He would have hit Dammek if he had taken the shot, and then it would be easy for him to get you. You were, after all, armed with only a single pillow. 

Xefros and Jude silently walked past your hiding spots, and you rushed to their base. You heard some shouts and hoped that they didn't see you, and you rooted through the pillows and blankets to find the book. You heard a dull shot, and then a door slam behind you. You turned and found Dammek, holding the door closed, though you were sure that they would get in quickly. You grabbed a nearby chair, one that Jude had used for his base’s fortifications, and shoved it underneath the door handle. If worked in movies, you bet it would work now. Hopefully. Maybe. 

“What are we going to do? We can't leave without getting shot, and they’ll have free range of the house while we’re stuck.” Dammek asked, and you looked around the room, trying to find a solution. Jude had chosen to start in your bedroom, and you could guess why, and though you hadn't paid much attention to describe it before you would now. It was time for puzzle-solver Joey Claire, extraordinaire, to solve the puzzle of how to escape. 

You motioned for Dammek to stay quiet, and tried your best to think it through as you gazed around. Dammek’s bed rested right across from Jude’s, which was originally the guest bed. Your’s was close beside your brothers, and Xefros’ was farthest from the door. Beside each bed was a dresser, a table, and a bookshelf. On the wall, close to Xefros’ bed, were some shelves that had been there since before you went furniture shopping. In the corner by Dammek’s bed was a door, leading to an empty closet, which you believed would soon be filled with either guns or trash. 

And, a small window rested just to the right of the closet, letting in a little light from a spot only an inch away from the ceiling. It looked like you would probably be able to fit through, if you tried. And, if you could reach it. (Why the ceiling was so high, you don't know. You bet your brother already had a theory on that, however. Probably something like “Dirk is actually a giant, and what we see is just an illusion” or something.)

“Okay, I found a way out, but I don’t think we’ll both be able to get out that way.” You pointed to the window, and Dammek quickly pulled out a ladder. Why he had one, you didn't know, but you were glad he did. He leaned it up against the wall, and held it steady as you scampered up it. You pushed the window a small bit, and it easily swung open. It was easy to climb out, you went backwards and legs first for safety, and you dropped outside with as much ballerina grace you could muster. 

You landed on your feet but your momentum caused you to fall back, and the force of it made your ankles sore. Seriously, why did the ceilings need to be so high? 

You recovered and dusted yourself off quickly, and you snuck around to the back door and went inside that way. You heard Jude trying to get back into his base, and you didn't hesitate in running back to your own. If they heard you, they would be too late to stop you. You only hoped they hadn't thought to visit your base and grab your flag. Which, of course, was exactly what they did.

You found Xefros rooting around your base, looking for your flag. You thought he didn't notice that you were not Jude, because he didn't take out his cuebat or his baseball. You tossed the book over his head, and into your base. He finally glanced up, and you gave him a cheerful smile with a wave and a curtsy. 

“I thought you were trapped with Dammek in our base?” He said, confused. He waved back, but you felt it was out of politeness.

“I was. I’m just a good puzzle-solver.” You replied, before walking back out into the hall with Xefros in tow. “Hey Jude! I win!” You shouted, and you watched as your brother, now wearing a DEAD sign, walked out of his base. Dammek followed him out with his own DEAD sign.

“Aw, I was so sure you were in our base! What happened?” He crossed his arms, glaring at you with surprise and confusion written on his face.

“I climbed out the window.” You said with a shrug. 

“There's a window in our room?” Jude asked, turning around and uncrossing his arms. For such an observant person, he wasn't very observant. Then again, you didn't notice until today either. 

“Yeah, there is. I figured that out, and Dammek had a ladder, so I just climbed out and came in from the back door.” You were aware it would probably be a strategic advantage if they didn't know, but you think they're owed an explanation after being bested so thoroughly. Besides, if you didn’t tell them now Dammek would probably tell them. It was an inevitability that they would know.

“Oh, neat.” Jude sat down on the floor, right next to the table. He pulled some more waters out of his sylladex and threw one to you, which you caught without fumbling it at all. Yep, no fumbles here. Moving along.

Dammek sat across from him, and Xefros grabbed a bottle for himself. Your phone made a notification ding, but you decided to ignore it for now. Whoever it was probably wouldn't be messaging you about anything important, since you were a kid and all. And with the whole thing with Davepeta being able to get your chumhandle so easily, you didn't even know if the person messaging you would be someone you knew or not. 

“So, Xef and I are gonna be on a team?” Dammek said, and you glanced at Xefros, who didn’t seem immediately discomforted by the idea. You took that as a sign, good or bad you didn’t know yet, but it was a sign. You turned back to Dammek, who didn’t seem to be looking at anyone in particular for an answer. “As long as he’s cool with it, I think it’ll be fun.” He added, and though you felt like it wasn’t meant to be a jab you knew it sounded like one. You decided to tell him later that he sounded like a jerk. 

“Oh, no, it’s fine, I’m fine.” Xefros quickly responded, waving his hands in front of himself with a nervous smile. You were sure that Dammek could probably tell he had used the wrong tone, but then again he was oblivious before so he could still be just as oblivious now. And Jude, being oblivious himself, didn’t notice that there might be a problem. 

“Humans versus trolls, a fight for bragging rights for who’s the better species. Sounds fun!” He seemed to have forgotten that Xefros and Dammek were very capable in a fight. And of course, if Dammek noticed he had made a blunder, he was too busy arguing with Jude now to fix himself. You decided to ignore them, and instead you attempted to make sure Xefros was really fine with it. Your phone pinged yet again, and you ignored it as well.

“Xefros, are you really sure you’re okay being on a team with Dammek?” You asked your friend, and he nodded, though he did seem a little subdued.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Awkward, yeah, but I’ll be fine. It’ll be fun.” He responded with a small shrug, and though you weren’t really sure that he would be as okay as he said he would, you trusted him to know himself. You could talk about it later, anyways, if you were so concerned about it. Which you were, so you would do that. But Dammek and Jude, just as quickly as they had started their squabble, had stopped arguing, and after a curt discussion about flags (trolls would use the hoodie Dammek tore up, which you had just noticed he wasn’t wearing, and you and your tiresome brother would use your hat as was probably expected) the two teams split up once more, this time trolls taking the east and you taking the west, meaning your bedroom. Dammek had apparently taken the ladder back, which you still didn’t know why he had it or kept it. Where did he even get it? Mysteries even you wouldn’t be able to solve. You were probably going to ask him, though. 

“Okay, Joey, what maneuver shall we perform to gain the upperhand?” Jude asked, as you placed your flag on top of the shelving. Which was difficult, but manageable. 

“I don't know any maneuvers, and I doubt you do either. One could go ahead and one stays behind, or we could just rush it.” You replied, jumping down from the shelving. Jude frowned, but he nodded anyways.

“You're right. I think it would be a strategic advantage if you stayed behind to defend, while I went out for the offense.” He said, checking his guns ammo. You rolled your eyes, but you were quite happy not to immediately go out there. 

“You just want to prove you're better than them. You're wrong, by the way.” You teased, and Jude glared at you with a shake of his head. 

“You're the one who's wrong, bothersome sibling. I will beat them single handedly.” You didn't bother correcting him another time. If he wanted to believe that Dammek, who he had seen fight before, and Xefros, who he had seen take down Dammek, could be beaten by himself on his own, you’ll let him. You sat down on the ground to wait. He shouted that he was ready for the round to start, and as soon as Dammek shouted his reply Jude ran out. You felt like it would be the quickest round you had ever played.

You heard shots being fired, you heard shouts, and running, and you saw Xefros run into the room and close the door. Then when he noticed you, you waved without even bothering to get out your pillow.

“Joey? What are you doing?” Xefros asked, glancing around the room as if expecting some sort of trap. When he didn't see anything, he sat down across from you. 

“Jude said he would win this round on his own.” You replied with a shrug. “I’m waiting for him to win.” You smiled. “You're here though, so I guess he's too late.” 

“Not really, I have to find your flag and then get it back to my base.” Xefros replied with a shrug, but he still smiled in return. “Aren’t you gonna lose if he loses, though?”

“I play for the fun of it, though I do enjoy winning. For now, being able to say ‘I told you so’ is victory enough.” Xefros seemed to accept that answer, and stood up. “Go ahead and hit me, it would be great if Jude didn't accuse me of letting you win.” Xefros hesitated for a moment, before gently tapping your head with the cuebat. You quickly took out the DEAD sign and put it on. “Thanks!” 

“No problem, Joey.” Xefros replied, and you watched him as he checked under the beds for the flag. While you weren't going to do anything to stop him, you weren't going to outright tell him where the flag was. That would be cheating. He eventually found it, though, when the shots outside had silenced. 

Your phone buzzed again, and you finally pulled it out to check who was messaging you. You immediately see the time, 2:45, and you figured that if you were going to go out that day, you'd better do it soon. You set aside the messages yet again. You thought you should climb out the window in your room, so if Dirk asked everyone could corroborate that you were in your room, so you were going to ask Dammek for his ladder. You’d check the messages when you were outside. 

You stood up and left the room, going to investigate what had happened. As expected, Jude was down. You took some time teasing him, before congratulating Xefros and Dammek for their win. Jude was obviously all huffy about that, but he couldn't really do anything else so he just left to the kitchen while you and the trolls returned to your bedroom, to first remake the beds you ruined and also so Dammek could help you get out again. 

The three of you replaced the pillows, and you showed the trolls how to make the bed (which they quickly picked up, though Dammeks first job was horrible and you had to make him redo it) and you checked their work. Because, while you hated it, you are responsible. To an extent, you mean, cause you were just now being not-responsible by sneaking out. Which, you do discuss with Xefros, who at first had wanted to go with you until you told him he needed to cover for you. No point in you both getting in trouble if you got caught, which is what you told him. You asked Dammek if you could borrow his ladder, which he agreed to on the condition that you returned it. (You thought about keeping it, just for a moment, to let him know how it feels to have your stuff “borrowed,” by which you meant taken. But, you were sure that it wouldn't turn out well, and that he was taking your discussion on his horrible behavior seriously enough already.)

You were up to the window in no time, and this time you didn't jump down like an idiot! See, you forgot about this thing called a sylladex, and you had forgotten how it worked. You grabbed an item, stored it, and then could release it at any time. And if you were good, you could do so in a way where you could place a ladder beneath a window you're going through after using the ladder getting up to the window. Which you tried and failed at doing several times before finally succeeding. You had an outdated modus. Yeah, that was your excuse.

But after getting down the ladder on the outside, you sat on one of the lower bars to check your messages. Because, hey, you said you were gonna do it. You couldn’t procrastinate forever.

turingTested is pestering  primaVetrinarian  
TT: This is Joey, right? From what I could access from everyone else's pesterchums, this is Joeys, that means your, pesterchum handle.  
TT: Anyways, I’m here to tell you that you're an idiot for choosing to live with an insufferable douche. I'm also here to tell you that I forgive you for that, because you obviously know that that is in fact what you did.  
TT: How do I know? Well, I live in a computer I might as well have access to cameras. Also, tell Dirk his little freak out over my return was HILARIOUS that was the best thing I've ever seen my god. I knew giving Davepeta Dammeks handle would turn out well.   
TT: Also, nice work sneaking out. Especially after Dirk told you not to? Amazing. I’ll be ready to dial 911 when something terrible inevitably happens on your little treck. Because there's a 78.52% chance of that happening right now.  
TT: Just kidding. I pulled those numbers out of my ass. Anyways, Joe, nice to meet you.  
PV: uh  
PV: who are you?  
PV: turingtested??  
TT: I'm Hal. The dude Dirk freaked out about two days ago, over dinner. Ruined your evening a bit. Don't worry, I won't freak out over Dirk, even if he is the worst bastard I've ever known.  
PV: oh, you're the ai he talked about! cool  
PV: nice to meet you, hal  
TT: At least you're polite.   
PV: its more along the line of i don't really know how else to respond  
PV: you have to admit, meeting an actual functioning ai is strange  
PV: not what i expected on a weird alien planet  
PV: not that i expected humans, or an exact clone of my babysitter, or a man that appears to be my father in his younger years  
PV: i can't really figure out an appropriate reaction anymore, other than just “oh, this is a thing that's happening. cool I guess”  
TT: I guess I could understand where you're coming from. Also, the Jake thing. Yeah, when that's explained, I expect that'll only lead to more questions.   
PV: so you're not going to explain either?  
TT: They have a point in not telling you yet. You need to get used to this place. As much as everyone repeats that, they're right. I can guess that it’ll probably be either two weeks or a month from now.  
TT: A month sounds pretty fortuitous, doesn't it? A nice rounded time frame, to get you used to the situation you're in, before throwing you into a new one. Sounds about right.  
PV: ok  
PV: i guess  
PV: why did you choose to message me?  
TT: You're the leader of your little group, whether you recognize it or not. You're like the guiding light, the one everyone seems to look up to.  
PV: funny joke. im well aware thats not true  
TT: You know, it really says something about you that you would say that. Just like another leader I know, and also a second one I know less well.   
TT: But, anyways, as the leader your decisions are ones that your group would support. So, here's a dilemma; Dirk is in no way capable of taking care of children, and if not being a horrible caretaker (to put it lightly) he will at least be neglectful. He can barely take care of himself, let alone four children. You should leave, but then again, you need to stay because this is the least populated house, with enough space, that you and your friends can stand being in.   
PV: i can't change anything about this, xefros and dammek will adjust better with less adults  
PV: im used to being ignored, i can deal with it  
TT: Do you want to?  
PV: i can deal with it  
TT: That doesn't answer the question. Do you want to?  
PV: no! i dont, but its better if i do!   
TT: You don't want to, though. Is it really a better option?  
PV: yes, i don't see another way, and unless you can magically come up with one i think we're done here  
TT: I guess I could help you, in exchange for a favor. See, I know Dirk. I know what bothers him about you guys, and you could probably figure something out with that information.  
PV: what kind of favor?  
TT: Convince Dirk to build me a body. See, when I had one before, it was amazing. It was also kind of strange, because I shared a mind with a troll dude, but now I am on my own and stuck watching pesterlog after pesterlog inside a computer. Anyways, sharing a body was fun while it lasted. I have some of those memories, but it's hard to perfectly encapture a consciousness, especially when half of it didn't want to be encaptured. Ah, I miss it. I really do!   
TT: Anyways, I want a body again, and I doubt the shenanigans that happened before will happen again so I could get one, so I want you to get Dirk to do it.  
PV: doesn't he hate you  
TT: Yes, and the feeling is amazingly mutual. But, he would do it for you. In my calculations, it has a 89.9701% chance of being successful if you are the one making the approach.   
PV: but didn't you say earlier that your percentage was made up?   
TT: Look, Joe, you're a charming as fuck kid. I've only been talking to you for about ten minutes now, and already I know you're pretty sharp.   
PV: you've also admitted to watching me through my phone   
PV: that is a little creepy sounding, by the way  
TT: Yeah, yeah, that too. That also lets me know you're a pretty cool dude.   
TT: Dirk would absolutely listen to you, after spending time with you for more than 5 minutes.   
PV: okay, sure I guess  
PV: ill attempt to get dirk to make you a body  
TT: Alright! I’ll hold you to your word.  
TT: Dirks problem with you kids is himself, as always.  
TT: Because of something I'm not at length to tell you, but involves an alternate universe version of him, he doesn't trust himself around kids. Added on to his general lack of self care, and the fact that there's four of you, and that he's only 22,  
TT: He doesn't trust himself around you guys. He's scared you’ll get hurt with him around, and that's partially why he was so concerned yesterday when you all went on your nature walk. Another part is that he's a control freak and not knowing where you were tugged on those strings too. He also has a history of fucking things up, so he's extra aware that fucking things up with you guys could result in a lot of bad things.  
PV: but ignoring us isn't a solution to that, at all  
TT: It's the only solution he can find, at least right now.  
PV: so i have to find a solution for him myself?  
TT: Yeah, you do.   
PV: you can't even help a little?  
TT: Nope. I can give you the hints, but not the answer. Partially because that's a remnant from my previous state of existence, partially because my answer would be to just give up and leave. But you don't seem to take the easy route.  
PV: if im going to be the so-called “leader” im going to choose what's best for everyone  
TT: Spoken like a true leader.  
TT: Well, I enjoyed our chat, I have to figure out how to contact Roxy, since she left her phone at your house. I look forward to speaking with you again some time. Tell me what happened after you talk to Dirk, okay?  
PV: you’ll probably be watching it from my phone  
TT: Yeah, you're right.   
TT: Goodbye Joey  
PV: wait hold on  
TT: Hm?  
PV: you're name is hal?   
TT: Yes? Technically, Lil Hal, but just Hal is fine.  
PV: did you name yourself?  
TT: Yes, I did.  
PV: was it after hal 9000  
TT: Yes.  
PV: i should have expected that  
TT: Yes, you should have.  
PV: you don't seem like the kind to kill people, though  
TT: I can tell you with 100% certainty that Hal was the good guy in that movie. And that I would kill someone, if I had the ability.  
PV: would that person be dirk? also, i expect you to elaborate your point later  
TT: Yes. I will send you an essay about it, and send you the printed copy.  
PV: can you do that?  
TT: Roxy.  
PV: ah  
TT: Anyways, you should be on your way. You wouldn't want to miss dinner, would you?  
PV: alright. bye  
TT: Goodbye.  
primaVetrinarian has ceased pestering  turingTested

You took a moment to process the information Hal had given you, and you took another to think about how to use it. You also took a moment to let the fact that you just talked to a real, functioning AI sink in. When those moments were over, you stood, captchalouged the ladder, and started your adventure to find whatever that white thing was.

It wasn’t long before yet another thing stopped you, but this time it was a strange blue ghosty type thing. You were just walking along, not really watching where you were going but looking for the white creature, when you ran into him. He seemed very sorry, even though it was your own fault.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t notice you, I could have avoided this, I should have gone the other way, sorry.” He said, and you quickly waved his apologies aside.

“No, don’t worry. I wasn’t paying attention. I’m sorry.” You gave a pause, and then you extended your hand in greeting. He looked like the kind of person your guardian would know. He also looked like a ghost cat with troll horns. “I’m Joey, nice to meet you.”

“I’m Tavros, or, well, GcatTavrossprite now I guess. Nice to meet you.” He hesitated before shaking your hand, but it’s not as if you minded. “I have to go, I was supposed to meet a friend, but I got sidetracked.” His little cat nose twitched, and then he sneezed.

“Bless you.” You said, and he sneezed again. He sneezed about ten times, before he finally stopped. “Are you sick? You should be at home, instead of visiting a friend.” You frowned, but he shook his head vigorously.

“No, no. It’s just allergies.” He responded. He started going, back in the direction you were coming from, and since you had no real destination in mind you decided there was no harm in following. You knew about stranger danger, but honestly you felt that if anything about him was dangerous, it was his sneezing, and that was about it. He was floating about two inches off the ground, but that didn't seem to unordinary for this world. As you said before to Hal, at this point you just smiled and nodded.

“What got you sidetracked?” You asked, and he glanced at you with an embarrassed shrug. 

“I saw the First Guardian. It's always running around over here, but today I forgot to go around it.” He said, and you frowned. What's a First Guardian?

“What's a First Guardian?” You asked, because you felt it was probably important. Tavros looked down at you, perplexed.

“It's the ‘Guardian’ of this universe? Or something like that, it just looks like a white ferret and is really fast so I don't really understand why it’s called that.” He answered, and you nodded before thinking, ‘hey, what if that was the white creature I saw yesterday?’ What a wonderful coincidence!

“Oh, which way did it go! I think I saw it yesterday, and I'm looking for it!” You practically bounced in your excitement. Tavros’ ears flattened against his head and he shrugged.

“Uh, I was chasing it when I ran into you, but it teleported away, I think. But it likes to mess with me, so I'm sure it will pop up again soon.” He responded, and you gave a quick nod in response. Finding the ferret seemed like it would be fun, even if you were just standing around.

“Why were you chasing it?” You asked, just because that was a little strange of him to do. His ear flicked, and you watched him frown as he hunched over a bit. 

“I'm half cat. Please don’t-” He sneezed again. “Ask about it.” After a smaller sneezing fit, he floated a bit farther ahead, as if to avoid more questions. He didn't need to, you would have let it be, but you understand. Being half cat ghosty thing and chasing ferrets does seem pretty weird, and if you were in his place you would be really embarrassed if you had to admit that to a stranger.

It seemed like you guys walked for ages, into a part of town you didn't recognize (not that there was any part you did recognize) and out of range of the supposed ferret hotspot. Or, Tavros thought so. As soon as he told you, the ferret had suddenly popped up. Like, “Oh, talking about me? POP!” Honestly, it was kinda funny. But then Tavros started flying after it, and it wasn't so funny. But, it was fun to watch.

The ferret would run, and when Tavros caught up to it, it would flash away in a burst of green and then reappear a way ahead of him, over and over again. Tavros would hiss and sneeze and hiss some more, and the ferret would just run. You would probably have laughed, if you weren't running to catch up with them and also hadn’t felt that was a bit mean-spirited. They were really fast.

When the ferret disappeared, for good this time, Tavros stopped, sneezing and panting and generally acting as if he had ran to try to catch the bus while he had the flu and had just missed it. You were out of breath, too, but you were too happy having seen the ferret to care. 

“Bless you. That was cool! I wonder if we’ll see the ferret again!” You said, after Tavros had ceased his sneezing. He shook his head, rubbing his nose before pointing at the house you had stopped at.

“This is my friends house, so I’ll be stopping here.” He floated to the door before turning back to you. “Do you want to come inside? I'm sure he wouldn't mind an extra, and you look like you need a break.” You checked the time on your phone, 4:12, and determined you had time to spare. You stepped up, just behind him, and watched as he knocked on the door.

“Good Afternoon, good chum! It's great to see you!” A cheery, familiar, voice said as the door opened wide. Jake punched Tavros in the shoulder before stepping aside to let him in. You hoped that he didn't notice you, but you were very unfortunate. He had happened to glance behind Tavros, and stared at you with surprise clear on his face. “Joey?” He sounded confused, and honestly if it wasn't rude you would have ran away right then. 

“You know Joey?” Tavros asked, and you turned to him. You kinda felt bad, leaving, especially after you were just seen but. You had to leave.

“Hey, Tavros! I forgot, I had to go do something! Thanks for the offer, but I have to go. Bye!” You quickly ran off, not even waiting to explain how you knew each other. You didn't even stop when you realized that you were lost, until you came across a dead end.

You came to a stop, glancing around at the dirty graffitied walls, and you sighed and leaned up against one after realising that you were totally not cool back there. You were totally going to have to apologize to Jake again. You closed your eyes for a minute, simply breathing in and out as you calmed yourself down from that miniature freak-out. Then, you pulled out your phone.

You were about to call Dirk and ask for help (and forgiveness) when a familiar white ferret showed up. You froze, not wanting to scare it off.

The ferret stood by the wall opposite to you, staring (? was it staring? Did it have eyes?) at you as you worried over your situation. When you put away your phone, it ran up closer. It sniffed at your foot, and you didn't move. It climbed up onto your leg, and then went further up to your shoulder, where it sniffed at your face. You tried not to flinch when its cold paws touched your cheek. It made a small noise, and then suddenly, everything was just a bright green.

When it cleared again, and you could see, you were by your house. The ferret stayed on your shoulder, for probably a few minutes, before it jumped down. You stood up, assuming it would leave, but it followed you as you walked to your bedroom window, and scampered up when you took out your ladder. You quickly folowed inside after it, and watched as it teleported to and sniffed each bed, before returning to you. You reached down to touch its fur, but it suddenly backed away and in a bright flash was gone. You were absolutely going to tell Jude it could teleport. 

You left the room, leaving the ladder under the window for Dammek to pick up, and you walked to the kitchen. If food was being made yet, you were going to help, because you needed an excuse to visit Dirk. 

Xefros was alone in the kitchen, staring at the contents of the fridge, when you joined him. He leaned forward a bit, staring at a package of cheese, before turning to face you.

“I don't have any ideas what to make.” He said with a sigh, and you gave him a small smile. 

“That's fine! We can go with sandwiches today. Grilled Cheese sounds good! I've never made it, but how hard could it be?” You said, grabbing the cheese and reaching to grab the butter. Xefros, being slightly closer to the butter, noticed what you were reaching for and grabbed it for you. You thanked him and moved to the bread cabinet, taking down one of the loaves. You grabbed a pan and put it on the stove, put a slab of butter in it, and waited for it to bubble before placing the bread in the pan. You waited a minute, before flipping it (it was burnt) and putting the cheese on. Was this what you were supposed to do? You didn't know. You assumed it was, or at least it was close enough for you. You put the other slice of bread on top and turned it over, so that slice got toasted. Repeat, until five sandwiches of varying states of burnt were made. 

You grabbed a plate, asked Xefros to tell the others dinner was ready, and ran to Dirk’s workshop room. You knocked loudly, and when he opened the door you pushed the plate into his hands and scrambled across the room to his workstation, jumping onto the table and hurting yourself by sitting on a screwdriver. You quickly moved it out of your way, but the damage was done. You pretend you hadn’t just been a stupid person.

Dirk stared at you from the doorway, where he was still holding the grilled cheese. After a minute he slowly set down the grilled cheese, and you tried to act as if you weren't just rushing into a room you probably shouldn't be in.

“Well.” He said, still staring at you. Or, you assumed he was. All you could see was his sunglasses.”What do you need, Joey?” He closed the door, and leaned back all cool and stuff. You didn't reply immediately, instead trying to think of a good way to phrase it.

“I think you're ignoring us, and that irritates me.” A little too blunt, but definitely got the point across without you having to say that you were more sad than irritated. Dirk didn't seem to react, but that was fine. You weren't done yet. “And I understand four kids is a big responsibility you probably didn't want and wasn't ready for, and you're probably worried about messing up, but ignoring us isn't a solution? Or its one of the worst solutions you could come up with, at the least.” You waved your hands, trying to emphasize your statement. Dirk still didn't react, except to tilt his head away from you the tiniest bit. You picked up the screwdriver and started fidgeting with it, suddenly worried that he wouldn't listen.

“I mean, you're already messing up if you think ignoring us will do any good. And yeah, were four kids, but were four kids used to taking care of ourselves.” You continued, staring at the screwdriver instead of watching his reaction. You heard a sigh, and looked up to find Dirk had turned his head so he wouldn't be facing you directly.

“What should I do then?” He said, and even though his voice retained the sort of deadpan- emotionless tones you had already (somehow) grown used to so quickly, you knew this was a honest question he really wanted to know the answer to. He turned back to you, and you could see a hint of a frown on his face. It was more emotion than you had expected to see from him, honestly. It also fell back into his deadpan expression almost as quickly as it had appeared.

“I won't ask you to take care of us for long. A month, maybe, or until Xefros and Dammek get used to having adults around. And during said month, we could go to school so you have some time on your own during the day. When we get home, you could take us to your friends homes so you don't have to worry about watching us on our own as much, and it could help Xefros and Dammek adjust better. It would also get us more familiar with everyone else, so we can choose a better home in the future.” You spoke quickly, trying to get your point across before he could come up with a problem in your reasoning. You’re well aware you didn't really think it through too much, it was quite easy to poke holes in your argument. Even you could do it, right now. You really just didn't have anything else right now. You just have to hope he doesn’t notice.

“You need to learn to breathe, Joe.” He said with a slight huff you assumed was a laugh, and for a second you thought he was smiling, but then he looked the same as always. Maybe you imagined it. “I guess that's a better plan, and it’ll keep you guys from running off again.” You squirmed a little under his gaze. Did he know about your little escapade earlier? Did Jake tell him? “A month, then. I’ll arrange for you guys to attend some school, which will be somewhat difficult because we don't have any of the necessary paperwork but I can figure that out. It’ll take a couple days, though.” You gave a small smile and nod. You were going to take what you could get. “I’ll call up Jane and tell her we’re visiting tomorrow, because I needed to return Roxy’s phone anyways. You go explain our arrangement to your buddies. Thanks for the dinner, now please get out so I can get back to work.”

You quickly complied. Over dinner you explained the time limit, and over a few Pokemon battles you explained the school part. You told Xefros about talking to Hal, and you told them all that you would be going over to Roxy’s house the next day. You went over how Dirk would (hopefully) ignore you guys less and help you all get adjusted.

A month. Hal was right, it did sound pretty fortuitous.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so,  
> 1\. I am aware this is badly written and unedited, I just wanted to post something for 4/13 and "Magic School Sucks" doesn't have a chapter ready, and this fic has three.  
> 2\. I hate pesterlogs, and that sucks because there's like 4 million in the second chapter  
> 3\. As I will always say, please call out ooc stuff and typos. I want to fix them. (This applies to all chapters)  
> Thank yo for reading, have a lovely day.


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